“Telemarketer: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to T.M.I long distance service?
Jerry: Oh, gee, I can’t talk right now. Why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you later. Telemarketer: Uh, I’m sorry we’re not allowed to do that. Jerry: Oh, I guess you don’t want people calling you at home. Telemarketer: No. Jerry: Well now you know how I feel. ”
– Seinfeld
Now I know they are humans too. I also know that it’s their job and I cannot stereotype them. But I’m still going to do this.
It doesn’t matter what product or service it is for, customer service calls are all the same. The toll free number is unusually long and hidden deep in the brochure/website. They make you press all kind of keys. They put you on hold with poor background music, and when they finally talk, they say weird things! Like the following;
When they call you to sell their stuff…
1. “Good Morning Mr.Wrong Name.”
Yeah. Thanks. That made my day!
2. “This is Suppandi! Let me tell you about our amazing product-y thing-y service-y stuff.”
This is anarchy! Let me disconnect this call.
3. “Congratulations! You are our lucky winner! You get a rare chance to avail our one time offer. 1.25% off on our lifetime plan!”
I have a feeling you might be lying about the winner thing. Haina?
4. *8:00 A.M. Monday* “Is this a good time to talk to you about dog food?”
What do you think? Nahi,nahi, guess maar!
When you call them to complain…
5. “We will transfer you to the right department!”
Yeah. And they will transfer it back to the left department. You jugglers!
6. “We will solve your issue A.S.A.P”
So, never?
7. “We have registered your complaint.”
Zaroor!
8. “We have escalated your ticket to concerned authorities.”
Achha? Matlab tumko parvaah hi nahi?
9. “We will do everything we can to fix your credit card! Jaan laga denge sir !”
Okay… Relax.
10. “We have never received such an issue before. You are the only one to complain. Ever. “
Haan bhai. Meri hi galti hai.
11. “Thank you for calling. Your service is our utmost priority.”
Hahaha. Good one.
And when you call to buy from them…
12. “Hi! This is Pizza Plate. We make only one kind of pizza. We do nothing else. How can I help you?”
Singhade khareedne the ji. Milenge?
13. “You have made the right decision by choosing our company. We are the leading manufacturer of pubic hair trimmers. We are also the only one. We are awesome. We rock! *Blah blah blah* “
Oh, I’m already regretting this.
