I first had a crush in sixth grade at the age of 12. The person who made my heart skip a beat and introduced me to involuntary blushing was the sports captain of my school, and 6 years older than me.

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For my hormonal heart, watching him in his sports uniform was equivalent to watching Tom Cruise in his Top Gun gear. 

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For his slightly less hormonal heart, I was an adorable 6th grader, whose head he ruffled almost akin to how you pet a puppy - and went on with his life. 

Disheartened but not altogether discouraged, I decided that this love story never started because of the wide age difference. 

And three years later the involuntary blushing was back. This time he was the school's most amazing dancer, and my elder sister's friend too. 

Sadly, I was delegated to the younger sister role faster than I could even say his name. I spent years calling him bhaiya, because clearly, he was not going to be my saiyan

From a 12-year-old to a 27-year-old, life has blessed me with a fair share of crushes, but sadly never that mad rush of falling in love.

A few crushes turned into brief flings but as I grew older, my standards grew and my affairs went down.

After a point, I stopped referring to them as flings and just called them drunken mistakes, because let's face it, who was I kidding!

Initially, I thought that my unrealistic expectations were the reason I'd never been in love. 

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The Mills & Boons that I'd grown up sneakily reading under the covers were now ensuring that I will forever lay alone under those covers. 

So when I was in eleventh grade, I thought I'll follow the advice from the biggest love guru of all time - Bollywood romances - and promptly fell for my best friend at the time. 

We briefly dated and I realized that the guy you've heard fart jokes from can never really nail the art of turning you on! Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

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I then thought that college is where the never-been-in-love status would change to forever-in-love. My parents also had the same thought I think, because they enrolled me in an all-girls college. 

From school to college, my life passed with an excess of crushes, and complete lack of a love story. 

I wasn't sure if it was because I was shy to the point of being mute around my crush (es), or just failed to reciprocate the kind of attention 'lasting affairs' demand - but I spent my college life being single. 

And the single curse has continued till date. 

I'm yet to find the kind of matchmaker friends that Meghan Markle (now a freaking princess) had, despite the fact that my matchmaking skills could give the rishta sites a run for their money. 

Clearly, in my case, the good karma (or my girlfriends) are just too damn slow!

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Over the years, I tried multiple times to analyze why a crush never translated to love - after all when Netflix and chill translate to ice cream tubs and ugly sobs, soul-searching is the next obvious step!

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And after exhausting all options to transfer blame on - men and their lack of flirting skills, my inability to think of anything clever on the spot, every chick-flick ever, and myriad other reasons - I came to the sad realization that maybe, I was the problem. 

Maybe - just maybe - I have to stop visualizing scenarios and actually create them. 

Instead of getting lost in a fantasy world after two tequila shots, maybe I should look across the bar at actual people when I go out.

Maybe I actually give the dating apps more than a week before deleting them. Because love at first sight was definitely not working for me! 

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Instead of signaling to my clueless best friend that I like her boyfriend's friend, I should just text him myself. 

(What's the worst that could happen? Okay, never mind, not going down this road - imagination, abort mission!)

And also - no maybes this time - I need to finally get my mature hat on and realize that as long as I am happy staying single, there is no reason to find a 'special someone'. 

Just because half of my friends are in love does not mean that I settle. Just because I cater to my inferiority complex at times does not mean I let it rule my life decisions. 

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And just because the world is full of Carrie Bradshaws, does not mean I can't be Samantha Jones. 

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So I am done waiting for Mr. Big - because if someone can not love me the way I love myself, then I don't really need that someone. Plus, if the result is someone like Mr. big, I'd rather just love me only!

But if someone could let Vicky Kaushal know I am single, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world,  just saying!  

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