Recently, the Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC) chief Pahlaj Nihalani gave a somewhat celebratory interview to Quint after clearing Aditya Chopra's Ranveer Singh-Vaani Kapoor starrer Befikre without any cuts.
Since both Ranveer Singh and Vaani Kapoor in the trailers of Befikre seem to be screaming look-we-are-in-a-Hindi-film-but-we-are-still-locking-lips-in-gay-abandon, the interviewer deemed it necessary to ask Nihalani, whose sanskari worldview of late has put even Sooraj Barjatya to shame, the obvious question. How did Befikre, which reportedly has 40 odd kissing sequences, get away scot-free while Tamasha and Ae Dil Hai Mushkil were hauled up for their"intense" kissing sequences?
"Firstly, there is a difference in the intention and purpose of the kisses in Befikre and the ones you mention in the earlier films(Tamasha, Ae Dil Hai Mushkil). Those earlier kisses were very intimate and sexual in nature , and also shot in lingering close-ups . In Befikre the kisses are used as signs of affection warmth and kinship. And they are not shot in close-ups. That makes a helluva difference in terms of impact," Nihalani told Quint.
In an earlier interview, Nihalani had intellectualised Ranbir Kapoor, James Bond (Daniel Craig) and Aamir Khan's kissing skills, saying that their kisses don't live up to his sanskari standards as they are too "intense". In other words, when Aamir Khan, Ranbir Kapoor and James Bond kiss they don't radiate "affection, warmth and kinship".
Since there are many who are not yet familiar with Nihalani's shade card of kissing, we thought it would be a good idea to acquaint you with what we call 'The Pahlaj Nihalani Guide To Classifying Kisses'. Though it doesn't guarantee a "U" certificate , it's definitely worth a try.
First things first, don't be Aamir Khan.
Nihalani has time and again taken cognizance of Mr Khan's penchant for kissing.
Don't be Ranbir Kapoor either, that will make you too intense, which in Pahlaj Nihalani's dictionary means "sexual".
And if you are Daniel Craig, who Nihalani knows simply as 'Mr Bond', don't even bother trying. The sight of you and your puckering lips are as ungodly to our CBFC chief as the sight of a beef steak is to Baba Ramdev.
Now get the basics right.
Lift your lungi!
Just kidding! We just wanted an excuse to share a GIF from Pahalaj Nihalani's 1993 film Andaz where he introduced the world to the idea of sanskari pelvic thrusting.
Kiss, but in a chaste manner.
Alternatively, you can drink from the same glass as your lover, as Amrita Rao does in Vivaah. When there is a will, there are hundreds of ways of exchanging saliva.
Or if you really want a foolproof plan, star in an Aditya Chopra film. It always works. Ask Ranveer.