Long before the Deadpool movie came along and gave us the funniest, most badass superhero to have ever walked the face of the cinematic world, the guy who played him in it was just living life - being as funny and badass as ever. Ryan Reynolds has pretty much owned Twitter for a while now, and we're suspecting you haven't had a helping of the @VancityReynolds brand of dark humour in a while.
Here are 25 of his funniest tweets to absolutely blow your world. Go on, let his unapologetic, beautiful, sticky awesomeness drench you.
1. A lover of the arts, and of the weirds.
I'm making an oil painting of my sister, Sarah. And it's more difficult than I thought because I don't have a sister.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2016
2. And he's got his priorities straight.
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
3. He reminds us all that fatherhood is just an absolute fucking joy regardless of how famous you are.
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
4. But just like our fathers, he sometimes runs into trouble with technology. Ugh Tinder, that damn puzzle!
Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 19, 2016
5. The presidential election and all its fuss gets to us all sometimes.
I sometimes confuse watching political coverage with swan-diving into a swimming pool filled with liquid rabies.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 7, 2016
6. His and our struggles sometimes truly are the same.
I can't tell the difference between meditation and silent inner shrieking.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 19, 2016
7. He graciously admits when he's wrong.
Turns out Game of Thrones is NOT historically accurate. Apologies for calling my idiot 6 year old nephew an imbecile.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 29, 2016
8. Not just an actor and an artist, he's also a children's writer.
Love writing nursery rhymes for my daughter. Her favorites are, "Sunshine-Cuddle-Time!" and "Everyone You Know Will Eventually Die."— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 11, 2015
9. Who makes sure he spends quality time with his little girl.
Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 26, 2015
10. Reynolds stands up for public breast-feeding. Sort of.
It's 2016. I'm not going to start drinking regular milk just because some asshat has a problem with public breastfeeding at the beach.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 28, 2016
11. And he's proud of his Olympic-grade adulthood skills.
If pure anxiety was an Olympic sport, I'd feel really fucking anxious about all the gold medals I just won like a BOSS.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 17, 2016
12. Father of the year, people.
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
13. Teaching his daughter important lessons early in life.
I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 5, 2015
14. And he doesn't shy away from getting real with her.
My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2015
15. A good father always celebrates his asshole child's big moments.
This morning, my daughter said, "quiche" which means she's smart, hungry and an asshole.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 21, 2016
16. When asked, he seemed to have a fair idea about the hardest part of being a father.
Finding quality "me" time. Or explaining why Stalin is in hell. 1 yr olds are pretty dumb, so pictures help. https://t.co/cFP0HlDluJ— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 30, 2016
17. And he had the best answer when someone asked him about when his daughter's old enough to understand his tweets.
Jokes on you. We're not teaching her to read. Boom. https://t.co/gwGgx7pNQQ— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
18. And he's magnificently unapologetic about all of it. Try asking him if he thinks he sucked at parenting today.
Nah. Nailed it. https://t.co/es6VTCv4cF— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 8, 2016
19. Ryan ain't afraid of telling the world how he feels.
So what if I like drawing little hearts around @RealHughJackman's name. I can't be gangsta every second of the day.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 10, 2016
20. And admits when he's fallen prey to a misunderstanding.
Finally saw Batman V Superman. I misunderstood the marketing because this wasn't a celebrity sex tape.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 4, 2016
21. Letting go is hard for every father.
Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 7, 2016
22. Especially since his kid's doing all his swiping-right.
Surprisingly easy to teach a baby to swipe right.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 16, 2015
23. In case of a 'yo mama' joke, refer to Mr. Reynolds.
Just read this to her. She wants to know how many teeth you have. She's gonna make a necklace. https://t.co/taLDsBcmZf— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 22, 2016
24. As a superhero himself, he's got some solid tips for the super world.
Besides my Uncle Dale, there should be a superhero who only wears boots, a cape and way too much lip-gloss.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 21, 2016
25. And he's basically just an all-round badass.
The pen is mightier than the sword. Also, parking a car in someone's living room sends a pretty damn clear message too.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) March 6, 2016
I don't want to overreact, but if you're on Twitter and you don't follow Ryan Reynolds, you're missing out big time and you hate fun and you're an absolute fucking nipple that's going to rot in hell. Probably. Just saying.