In today’s fast-paced lives, relationships aren’t known for their longevity. Frustration and dissatisfaction spawn like weeds in people, others churn out money, using heartbreaks to their advantage to tell you about ways to get over someone you really loved. The reality is, that it’s possible to have a meaningful, deep, loving relationship to weather the storms together but we often give up, too fast, on our loved ones at the first sign of something that won’t suit us. Famous psychologist Jed Diamond surfaced after 40 years of research to talk about the five stages of love in his article on MenAlive and how we often can’t get past the third, losing out on the love of our lives. Here are the different stages of love:
Stage 1
Falling headlong into love
Suddenly everything is beautiful, there’s a spring in your step, blushes come easy and butterflies are forever flooding your stomach. You want to spend every waking moment with them, often staying up late into the wee hours of the morning hanging on every word of theirs. They are beautiful and flawless and you vehemently deny they have any faults whatsoever. They make you ecstatic and this is when we build a lot of flimsy illusions about them. We desire and expect things from them.
Stage 2
After a lot of stuttering and dropping of hints and painful nervousness with clammy hands, you get into a relationship with the person. It’s exciting and you’re all talk about your boo. You move in together or even get married and it’s wonderful waking up next to the person you love. You believe you are soulmates and are meant to be together.
Stage 3
Doubts surface about whether they really are the one
With the passage of time, it’s getting a little boring and dull. You already know everything there is to know about your partner, it isn’t exciting anymore, the romance is disappearing and sex is the same. Your flimsy illusions about the person shatter and that goofy thing they used to do with their nose which was once adorable, is now just plain annoying. Their habits and ways disillusion you and you think “This isn’t what I wanted”. Fights are frequent now, and you think that possibly they aren’t the one you’re meant to be with. This is the phase when people pull out and get sloshed to forget about the other person rather than try working it out.
Stage 4
If you stick on and decide to put more effort into the relationship to understand your partner and discuss your issues without the blame-gaming, things might take a turn for the positive. You respect the person they are and become more accepting of them. Now is the time to turn the bond into something more meaningful, deep and long-lasting. Get to the core of the problem – a troubled childhood, wounds from past relationships, whatever it may be, now is the time to heal.
Stage 5
Become a team and help make a change to the world
Now the two of you are a team who can pool in your talents and resources to make the world a better place, in whichever way you can. You’ve got each others’ backs and can take on the world!
As Jed Diamond puts it, “If we can learn to overcome our differences and find real, lasting love in our relationships, perhaps we can work together to find real, lasting love in the world.”
