We all want a perfect relationship that tailors according to our preferences. But if we follow the Bollywood rule book of romance, we will surely have a bumpy road. Our unrealistic relationship expectations are rooted in what we see and observe. It is hard to blur the lines between what to expect and what you deserve in a relationship. However, it’s okay to expect reasonable expectations in a relationship.
So if you don’t want to fall for the trap of those ‘unrealistic expectations of love’, below are some important points you should take note of.
1. “That you should be in love and sure about the relationship from the beginning for it to work out. I’m confused about this mindset: yes, I’m attracted to and interested in them from the beginning but love is a big deal. It grows slowly.”
2. “The idea that just because you’ve been with someone for X amount of time means that you have to make it work. Some people simply don’t belong together. Sometimes it takes a little while to figure it out. Things only get worse when you can’t be honest with yourself or with each other by just taking the mature route and walking away from it.”
3. “That one conflict = the end. People don’t seem to understand that serious relationships cannot avoid conflict completely. That doesn’t mean you move on to the next partner. You’ll never get truly close to anyone if you can’t learn how to resolve small issues in a respectful and understanding way. There is no such thing as perfect.”
4. “To be shaved head to toe constantly. Like us, women have enough self-care already not gonna spend time every day” fixing” my body for you to accept it. If you don’t like my body in its natural state I ain’t want you. If I choose to remove or change anything on my body it will be because I want to.”
5. “To be their maid, cook, financial expert, and secretary. As partners, it is up to us to come together and divide up household tasks, talk about money together to develop a plan, and come up with a joint system for completing important calendar items.”
6. “The expectation that you will just meet someone perfect for you despite not putting any time or effort into meeting new people. I have a few single friends who just seem to think a partner will fall into their laps one day and they don’t need to do any of the pursuing.”
7. “To always have a sexual fantasy. No, it’s entirely possible that I’m very pleased with reality and don’t fantasize. And that is ok.”
8. “To be emotionally available 24/7 to a guy. Like dude, everyone is battling their own demons too and it would have been nice if you reciprocate the energy I put into listening and going through your struggles with you.”
9. “Expectations that your sex life will remain the same, and needs perfectly matched throughout the life of the relationship. That your life will get easier once you have a partner to handle the stuff you don’t want to do (generally only heard from men about women, they’re looking for someone who’ll do the emotional labor and sometimes the household labor.”
10. “That you have to be perfect in every way before you even begin to look for a partner. Any time someone looking for love expresses the slightest doubt or flaw about themselves, there’s a barrage of, “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else!” Spoiler alert: None of us ever reach our final form. We are always evolving works in progress. We experience negative emotions – it’s part of being human. It’s not some flaw that needs to be eradicated from someone’s being before they start looking for love. It’s completely unrealistic to expect someone to love themselves 100% of the time and never experience another negative emotion for the rest of their lives.”
11. “There’s nothing wrong with having standards. But it’s unreasonable for anyone to expect that any random person they start a relationship with, without actually knowing that well, will just happen to meet all of those standards or could be made to. If you have high standards, it’s on you to find someone who meets them, not just pick whoever and then complain that they don’t meet them.”
12. “I think the years of receiving the cliched advice “never go to bed angry” has made a lot of couples feel like they need to stay up late and hash things out immediately as they are happening. Sometimes you need to have a nice night of sleep to be able to let some of the anger go and have a clearer mind.”