Feel Dead From Within: Frontline Hero Shares The Horrors Of A Covid Ward

Akanksha Bhatia

The second wave of Covid has healthcare workers pulling day and night shifts, just to keep their patients alive. Dr Saandhra is one of those heroes who are trying their best. 

Recently, her post asking people to stay indoors, with an image from the Covid ward went viral. She shared her story of telling parents that their kids have passed away, and the traumatic 2 weeks she has spent saving as many lives as she can.  

The doctor recently did an interview with Humans Of Bombay and her words will leave you teary-eyed. From describing the first time she lost a patient, to the trauma of loosing 22-year-old patients who should have ideally survived. 

I’m a first year resident doctor; the first death I ever witnessed was on 30th March 2021–a COVID patient was admitted into our ICU. He was critical, but since he was in his 40s, I thought he’d pull through. The next day, he succumbed–I went numb.
On day 4, he passed away. His parents cried bitterly; I felt dead from within. Now, if somebody’s critical, I update the family by saying things like, ‘Pulse rate is dropping.’ I’m at least not giving them false hope.

She tells the story of mothers, who fear leaving their kids behind, who worry about their families even though they themselves may be dying. Her horror stories from the Covid ward are sadly, our reality. 

‘I have a 11 & 4 year old at home… I want to live.’ But a few hours later, I had to tell her kids that they wouldn’t get to even see her body one last time. When the youngest one yelled, ‘I want to hug Mumma,’ I didn’t know what to feel.

Dr Saandhra also shed light on the mental health of those who are on the frontlines, watching as we go from bad to worse. 

Looking at all the dead bodies, I sometimes wish I’d never been born. My mental health has diminished. What keeps me going is that every day I’m out there, the chances of saving somebody’s life increases.

Read the full post here:

Her story is heartbreaking but necessary for us to understand what is happening in real time. It is a privilege for us to be able to stay home and safe. 


H/T – Humans of Bombay for sharing her story. 

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