Not all marriages are successful. Some just don’t work. Often it’s a slow realization that things are not as they are supposed to be between a married couple. From attending marriage counselling to trying to stay together for kids, the realization that it’s time to separate can be a life-changing event for many.
People who took divorce with their partners talk about the moment they realized it’s not working, in this Quora thread.
1. I married my best friend, the man I was in love with for 11 years. But our marriage barely lasted a year. I caught him cheating on me with not one, but multiple women. The first time I discovered him sleeping with someone else, I actually forgave him. Despite people telling me to walk away, I didn’t want anyone to morally police my marriage. He had been living a dual life, hiding the full extent of his actions from me, and that he never respected me to begin with. That’s when I decided I am done. – Pallavi Preetinanda
2. It was a lot of little things that kept piling up until I felt like I was being buried alive. My husband stopped being physically affectionate after we had our daughter. Then he started coming home too late from night school. We started fighting a lot and my husband would often threaten to move out. That’s when I decided to remove my money from our joint bank account. – Ashley Lynne Ward
3. My wife and I were going through marriage counseling. We had been married for 7 years. We were both on the fence about whether to go ahead with a divorce. I didn’t want a wife who would settle for me. I wanted a wife that would love me. – Marvin Kravitz
4. I knew I was not happy and wanted to separate. I could not exactly pin point what was wrong, but living with my ex-husband was exhausting, both emotionally and physically. He told me what I could and could not wear, and did not like when I went out with friends. I did not grow up that way and I felt trapped. – Pravallika Devineni
5. When I realized that there was an unbridgeable gap between my needs and his ability to understand them. – Liz Batchelder
6. My wife’s dishonesty. I could forgive her short affair. I could live with it. It is human after all. What I cannot live with, is a person that wants me to be a fool. A person that knows I know, and still is dishonest and defensive enough to attack me because I called her fault. A slip is a slip. A mistake is a mistake. Trust can be rebuilt. However, lack of integrity is permanent. – Jerry Pagart
7. The final straw in my marriage was when my daughter said to me, “Mum, at least he does not hit you.” What was I reflecting to my little girl? It horrified me to think. As if it was ok to be in a non interactive, emotionally abusive relationship. I had adjusted over the years. The cultural and social burden was too big. – Anonymous
8. When I realized ‘to live’ held entirely different meaning to me and my married partner. As days went by we didn’t have anything to talk about, we started becoming strangers under the same roof, all within 3 years. I was changing with the passing time and he stayed the same. So we decided to set each other free of marriage and stay friends. – Aarya S
9. When I was certain that I was the only one who wanted the marriage. – Eric Jorgensen
10. When my ex told me she didn’t want to go back to therapy, not even with a new therapist. Once she gave up on working on our marriage, I knew it was over. – Anonymous
With all the shame and stigma associated with divorce, it’s not easy, but these responses can help people dealing with similar situation.