Still reeling from Real Madrid’s 4-1 mauling of Levante? Same. This was one of those games where you wonder if somebody’s got assist cheats ON in Career Mode settings. Vini turned up, Mbappé entered “I run LaLiga now” mode, and a teenager introduced himself like it’s an episode of Kota Factory. Before next week’s derby stress hits, here’s your snack-sized, rage-shareable, make-football-Twitter-explode Madrid player ratings, peppered with pop culture and memes, naturally.
- The One Where Vini Said “Main Hoon Na” Again
Vini Jr. dusted off all that “subbed too early” gossip with a classic: smash-and-grab at 28’, assist at 38’. Turned Levante’s optimism into “leave work early” energy, and Alonso even had nice things to say about him post-match. After weeks of scrutiny, Vini just said, “Hold my outside-of-the-boot”, momentum shifted, and Madrid’s vibe went from “group therapy” to “group hug.”
Image courtesy channelnewsasia.com
- Mbappé’s Two-Minute Monologue (ft. Panenka Cameo)
Bro channelled his inner cinematic villain, won a pen, hit a Panenka at 64’, and rounded Ryan at 66’ like he’s farming highlight reels. That’s 9 goals in 7 Madrid appearances. Twitter is already serving the penalty on loop, press X for audacity. Confidence levels? Booking that Paris flight for Ballon d’Or night, boss.
Image courtesy marca.com
- Debut Boy Energy: Franco Mastantuono, 18, Top Corner, No Notes
Madrid’s new baccha, Franco Mastantuono, sent a finish into the postage stamp at 38’. Only his fifth start since that River Plate leap, and he’s already into ‘remember the name’ territory. Alonso trusts him for a reason, and he comes with pure main-character vibes.
Image courtesy freemalaysiatoday.com
Midfield Jugaad: Ceballos the Metronome, Valverde the Engine
Madrid benched some regulars, but the midfield still moonwalked, Ceballos dropped a 97.8% pass masterclass, 15 progressive passes, and 8 recoveries. Valverde set up the opener and kept transitions smoother than your best friend’s naani’s chai. Alonso called it a “building phase”, but when your rotation boys boss the league, kya scene hai?Defense Shuffle But Chill: Carreras-at-CB, Huijsen’s Buildup, Courtois Safe
Madrid strung together a makeshift baap-level defence, Carreras at centre-back looked comfy, Huijsen advanced play, and Courtois had one clutch stop before Eyong’s header ruined his clean sheet. Levante’s attack got one shout, but otherwise it was pure Real jugaad, DIY defence and still a luxury finish. Oh, and Madrid’s now six wins from six, five points clear of Barça.
Madrid fans, breathe easy, it’s spicy right now. Vini’s spinning defenders again, Mbappé’s gone full main-character, and a teenager just dropped his filmy debut. The derby is loading. So, who’s your top three, any hot takes?