We’ve been told that idle hands are the devil’s workshop. But guess what? Busy hands get pregnant.
No, don’t scratch your heads. It’s true.
Turkish televangelist, Mücahid Cihad Han , said on a TV show that hands that are used to masturbate, get pregnant in the afterlife.
Yes, hands get pregnant.
During a Q&A; type show on the private channel 2000 TV, Mücahid Cihad Han, a televangelist, read a viewer’s question which mentioned he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah,” a pilgrimage to Mecca performed by Muslims which can be undertaken at any time of the year, in contrast to the Haj.
To this, Han claimed that Islam strictly prohibits masturbation as a “haram” (forbidden) act. “Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said, referring to what he claimed to be a saying of Prophet Muhammad.”If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” the televangelist added, advising the viewer to “resist Satan’s temptations.”
Wut?
Now I am no religious scholar but the sheer idea that a hand can get pregnant is enough to make me doubt everything I’ve known ever . And I have so many questions.
How long does the hand stay pregnant?
Does it deliver a smaller hand after that?
Or is it a permanent pregnancy, one you have to live with for eternity? Is that what hell actually is?
Does the hand have mood swings?
What if I shifted hands mid-masturbation? Which one gets pregnant then?
Does it mean that 1000 masturbation sessions and one have the same repercussion?
Also, in terms of birth control, what if one wears a condom while masturbating?
And, what happens to women who masturbate?
Or what if I get a hand-job from someone else? Whose hand gets pregnant then?