Breakups are tough, and divorces are tougher. Because not only does the latter result in a huge heartbreak, but it costs a lot of money too. Such difficult life situations usually have a lot to teach as well. Which is why this Reddit thread where divorced people have shared when they knew their relationship was over is so insightful. Here, take a look at what some people have said.
1. “We went to counseling. She talked about the things she needed and wasn’t getting. Counselor asked me if I could work on those. I said yes. This took the whole first session.
Second session happens a week later. I talked about the things that I needed and wasn’t getting. Counselor asked her if she could work on those. She kept avoiding and redirecting. On the drive home she said she wanted to find a new counselor, this one wasn’t the right one.
Went to a new counselor a few weeks later. First session was a repeat. So was the second. She said we should find a better counselor. I asked ‘One that agrees with you?’ And she said yes. Then I was done.”
2. “Driving home from work, coming around the corner, and feeling disappointment to see her car in the driveway.”
3. “When I realized I was more at peace when he wasn’t around. I was calmer, less anxious, and smiling more. Also, when I realized I would suppress my smiles or hide happy news so he wouldn’t have a chance to ruin whatever I was enjoying.”
4. “My ex thought I was working out of town. She had been having an affair for about three months and thought I didn’t know. This was way back before cell phones, but she had been call forwarding our calls to her new boyfriends number so when I called her I would think I was reaching her at our apartment. I came home at about 10:00 pm one evening, and she wasn’t home, I called her boyfriend’s number and she answered the phone.
I asked her what she was doing and she told me she just climbed into bed for the night, I asked her who’s bed she’s climbed into. . . there was a long pause. . . I told her I knew what she was doing and where she was. That was over 40 years ago. I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for a very long time now, all is good.”
5. “It was weird. I was sitting on the couch, and she was in the recliner. I looked at her, it was like I didn’t even know her. I thought… ‘I don’t like you and I wouldn’t even date you now.’ We just grew apart. I said, ‘Do you want to break up?’ She replied, ‘I thought you’d never ask… yep. It’s been over for awhile.’ It was amicable, and we went our separate ways… no hard feelings it was just done.”
6. “When she filed for divorce, but didn’t actually want a divorce. That’s when I realized I couldn’t put up with any more of her shit. If she was willing to file for divorce (and thought I was going to pay for it all), I knew it had gone way too far. I spent the next two years trying to finalize that divorce, with her trying to stay married.”
7. “When he told me he married me to punish me for getting pregnant and he was going to spend the rest of his life making my life hell because I stole his childhood. Friends, he was 24. “
8. “When we travelled out of state for a 4-day stay with one of my best friends, ‘T’, who’d only met my husband twice (once at the wedding). My husband was acting like a spoiled child and after a couple of days, I was an embarrassed, exhausted emotional wreck. He screamed at me about something and went to our room, shouting the whole way, and I started to apologize to T, but he quietly stopped me and asked ‘Does he always talk to you that way? Does he always treat you like he has this week?’ I said, ‘I mean, sometimes better sometimes worse, he’s got a short temper and—.’ He then said, ‘That’s… not okay. At all. If this is normal, this is abuse… and you’re saying it gets worse? You aren’t the same person you used to be. You don’t see how he’s changed you?’ and I was dumbstruck.”
9. “The moment you don’t give a f*ck about whether your partner is happy, sad, angry or hurt. That’s when you know.”
10. “He treated me like shit for years, but what did it for me was when he called our newborn daughter a b*tch because she woke him up. Not going to do her like you do me. Best decision ever.”
11. “We were at my brother’s house attending a birthday party, sitting on opposite sides of the room because we had just gotten into a fight in the car on the way over there. At one point I looked over at her and thought ‘I would be so much happier if I was single again’ (this was after a couple of years of both of us being miserable). That was the moment I knew. I am remarried now (17 years) and couldn’t be happier. Ending that marriage was one of the best decisions I ever made.”
12. “We stopped sleeping together in the same bed, we both knew it was over but kept things on cruise control for a couple years because of our child. We were like ‘two ships passing in the night,’ as they say. We both knew it, but ignored it for a while. Then one day we sat and talked and agreed we should get a divorce. It was 100% amicable.
Now she and my son live about 2 miles from me, I see him every single day, and she and I get along better than we ever did as a married couple.”
Better to be single than in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy or allow you the space to be yourself.