I think we’ve all given certain relationships chances they may not have deserved. And that mostly involves lowering our standards for the said relationship. But it hardly ends well. Any relationship that requires you to sacrifice your core values probably isn’t very sustainable. Which is why this Reddit thread where women have shared their experience of when they lowered their standards for a relationship is so insightful.
Take a look for yourself:
1. “In the short run, I’m unhappy in the relationship. In the long run, I’m unhappy with myself.”
2. “I wasn’t happy but I still tried because I wanted to give it a chance (and another and another and another). At the end I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.”
3. “Had a kid with him, divorced now, am a single mom, and had to give up my dream job that I had been working towards for roughly 7 years. Never lower your standards. NEVER.”
4. “Not worth it at all. Many female friends of mine laughed at me and told me not to date him, saying I was ‘doing charity work.’ I asked him out anyway.
He treated me like crap, belittled me, insulted me, shouted at me when I was suffering from anxiety, never spent time with me, was rude to my family, didn’t like my dog, was tight AF about birthday and Christmas presents, despite having a large inheritance. He insisted that I ‘hadn’t done anything wrong and was the perfect girlfriend,’ but still spread rumours about me for years after the breakup.
Lesson learned: NEVER lower your standards and don’t be nice to someone who is cruel to you.”
5. “I was dating guys that I was not attracted to or willing to consider having sex with and ended up wasting their time as well as mine.”
6. “I felt like I had to shrink myself in the relationship in order to make him feel better about himself because he had deep seated insecurities and projected that onto our relationship. Never again.”
7. “Not worth it. For a short while, I enjoyed being in a relationship and felt as though I had multiple aspects of my life together. Then later, the cracks began to show. We were simply not compatible. He knew it, I knew it…Couldn’t even hold a meaningful conversation. I’m single and happy now.”
8. “Absolutely not worth it. 0/10, would not recommend. I wound up with dudes who not only abused me and treated me like shit, but had the worst sense of entitlement I’ve ever come across. I have no idea where they got the audacity, but it’s pretty revolting when a solid 2, inside and out, thinks they deserve nothing less than an absolute 10.”
9 “I fell out with my childhood best friend because of the relationship, got kicked out, and ended up having to drop out of school. Two years into what quickly became an abusive relationship, I found out he was cheating. While I was at work, he’d drive MY car to go have sex with someone older than his mother. In conclusion, it absolutely wasn’t worth it.”
10. “There was always resentment that built up, until we were pretty toxic together.”
11. “Not worth it at all. Not only because you’ve undersold yourself but because the man himself is aware of that, whether they’ll let you know it or not, they will slowly start withdrawing affection and make you feel worthless over time. Maybe it’s because they need to establish dominance and already know you’ve settled, so they think they are being ‘subtle.’ But it’s happened in every relationship where I’ve settled. Sometimes, very lightly, sometimes, extremely abusively.
Don’t settle. You not only belittle yourself and your worth, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.”
12. “Not worth it, ended up resenting him and depressed.”
Relationships can be tough, but they shouldn’t be tough in a way where you lose your sense of being. Never settle.