And then there are some people who don’t ever see themselves having children, but plans change impromptu and they end up realising that maybe they do have a maternal/paternal bone in their body after all. Something similar was hilariously expressed by Rupali Tyagi, in her most recent comedy act. 

In her stand-up, the comedian wittily expresses just how irritating it can be when family members subtly pressure you and your spouse to think about having children, and how women often receive the brunt of these pressures. She then goes on to talk about how difficult of a decision it is in the first place; to have children or not? Because let’s face it, parenthood is no walk in a park! 

You know jab bhi main apne nani ke yahan jaati hoon naa, she is always like, ‘Beta, agli baar aaogi, toh do se teen hokar aana.‘ Now guys she has to understand, we haven’t done it earlier, and besides, it’s not easy kidnapping people.’ 

-Rupali Tyagi

To choose to be a parent means choosing to be sleep deprived for the first year or two, choosing who’s turn it is for diaper duty and choosing to deal with a moody, puberty stricken teenager. 

She then goes on to explain the pains of deciding to finally have kids, to go through the experience of being pregnant. The comedian shares the level of intrusiveness she witnessed while she was pregnant, even in medical aspects. Especially, the awkwardness in having a male doctor inspecting you down south.

You know I went through all these intrusive procedures. One of them was this transvaginal scan. I was really uncomfortable guys. And then I see this male doctor walk in, now I am even more uncomfortable. I think he sensed my discomfort, so this is what he told me to make comfortable, ‘Don’t worry beta, I am like your father.’ Maine kaha, ‘Uncle wahi toh problem hai!’

-Rupali Tyagi

And apart from doctors, she also mentions how everyone likes to put their two cents in to give you some advice that is based on a generalised perception of pregnancy. 

Aur guys life main aapne dekha hai humein gyaan kitna milta hai? Har stage pe. Especially, if you are a woman. And especially if you are a pregnant woman…When I was seven months pregnant, there was this uncle who used to give me so much gyaan. One day he comes to me and he is like, ‘Beta, I think you should start talking to the baby already. Is se na tumhaaraa baby ke saath bond ban jaaega pehle se hi.’ …. I had a huge bump, and the baby was already in the head-down position. Usey mujhse bond banane main koi interest nahi hai abhi. Usey life main bhasadh chahiye hi nahi, woh toh soch raha hai kab buland darwaza khule aur main niklu bahar.’ 

-Rupali Tyagi

Towards the end of the comedy act, she also mentions how difficult it is to even conceive a child. She makes the entire crowd laugh at her description of having to scheduling sex in a three-four day window. 

Pehle toh office main boss ko jhooth bolo. Boss is also like, ‘Aaj itna jaldi kaise?’ Fir bahaane maro, ‘Sir woh meri gas ki delivery hi nahi hui thi na last month.’ …… Fir poore raste mood banaate hue aao. Har bhikhaari ko bheek de rahe ho…. Aur phir thak ke ghar pauhach rahe ho, paseene se lathpath. Aur sochte ho, ki ab toh karna hi hai. Aur phir yaad aataa hai, oh shit, Aaj toh income tax return bharne ki aakhri date hai! 

-Rupali Tyagi

If reading all this didn’t make you chuckle, watching the video might just. Take a look. 

I say, just don’t have kids!