Raj Malhotra, played by Shah Rukh Khan has been adored by millions of ladies (and men) all over the country. The guy was nice, he convinced Simran’s family to let him marry her, dancing and celebrating with them while he was at it, even though he got beaten up by Amrish Puri’s goons. Sounds like the guy of anybody’s dreams.

Which brings me to my point. He ain’t real. And despite being spawn out of the imagination of Aditya Chopra, he has been screwing up my love life for years now. I mean, he is a good guy but he is too good to be real. Can you understand my frustration here?

I mean, I believe I am a nice guy too. I open doors and pull the chairs for my significant other. I can even cook for her. But orchestrating a family drama to marry her is just pushing it. Besides, I just met her, on a trip to Europe. 

But you Raj, you sanctimonious prick, you travelled between continents for a woman you just met. I mean, how do I copy what you did? And things go to shit even when SRK tries to play SRK.

And why am I supposed to be the one, who takes all the risk? I mean, what are the chances that it would work? Honestly, Simran and your love story was like a coin-toss. If it works, fine. If it doesn’t, well…

Oh yeah, you had failed your exams! We can’t speak for Anupam Kher and your entitled ass but dude, if I screw up my semesters, my dad has good reasons to keep me grounded for weeks. And that means no pocket money, no internet even. So a Europe trip is a No No.

Like I said, I am a nice guy, unlike you, Raj. And I guess, that means I have no business messing with the lingerie of a woman I just met on a train. Seriously, how creepy are you, man? 

And then you lied about sleeping with her without her permission.  And harassed her throughout your trip. This is just old school sexual harassment, man. I am so freaking glad, I am nothing like you.

WTF! If she is technically engaged, then that makes the matter even simpler.

Your entire love story played out really well in the end because your father is a millionaire. If you could ignore that, what we have is a girl with ambiguous educational qualifications, a man-child who just failed college and has no job. So pardon me Raj, but please…

And why do I have to convince her parents? I mean, you did do that. I agree. But you lied, cheated, almost married Simran’s cousin and lied some more. Besides, if it’s a relationship, then both parties should have equal roles. She needs to do that herself. Screw you for making her making her believe, she can’t. 

And really Raj, you are a weird person. I am not blinded by your dimples and good guy portrayal. I have realised that you were just another man, just like Simran’s father, brothers and her fiance, trying to dictate her life.

And what if her dad finds out!

I could have been saved from the hassle of the hopes of your over dramatic romantic life, that I am so evidently not capable of living up to.