While dining out with my friends last night, I was busy staring at my plate. It was a beautiful-looking salad, green and leafy with a sprinkle of cherry tomatoes. There was some balsamic vinegar, dry nuts and nothing much else. Trust me, it was perfect for an Instagram post. The sorts people put up with a million hashtags, making you feel bad about your own eating habits and somehow convincing you that what they’re eating is delicious AF.
Except that, it isn’t.
Anyway, getting back to my salad, it was one of those oft-encountered moments. The ones when you come across something so beautiful, you don’t want to ruin it by eating it. Get it? Well… I didn’t ruin it. And that’s because I did NOT want to eat it. There, I said it!
Welcome to the world of a serial dieter! Here, food JUST looks good. It’s all about portion control and never, ever giving into your cravings. You must exercise daily, or at least tell your friends you do. Protein is like oxygen, fat is poison. In your spare time, it’s never Netflix & chill but fantasizing about pizza and feeling miserable instead!
And honestly, I’m done with this world!
I can’t wake up to muesli every morning. I need paranthas and pancakes. Lunch can’t be just a salad. Last time I checked, only cows got excited at the thought of munching on leaves. As for dinner, if I have to grilled fish yet another time, I’ll throw up. Seriously.
I want chole-bhuture for lunch, chilli cheese toast with extra, extra cheese as evening snack and butter chicken with butter naan for dinner. Post that, gajar ka halwa as dessert. Or, red velvet cake, for all my snooty socialite-like evenings.
When I’m watching a movie, a big tub of popcorn with coke (not diet) on the side will do.
And weekends are meant to be spend with my lover in bed. My lover BTW is Nutella. I want to drown in my lover’s arms, never to wake up.
Frankly, I think I’m a bit of a masochist. My Instagram feed is filled with fit, tanned bodies and every time I see a new post, I look at myself in the mirror and it’s never a pleasant sight. Next, I promise myself to eat right (though my heart wants to go left!) and exercise. It’s all good till lunch time- I wake up with my resolution, eat a healthy breakfast and head to work with a focused mind. But by the time it’s lunch, all hell breaks loose. I’m ravenous and a quinoa salad just won’t do!
Why is it that all healthy things taste downright shit? I mean, how do these self-confessed health fanatics eat all that and yet feel good about their lives? Muesli is no delicacy! You’ll never see me looking happy eating just boiled chicken. That I never eat that is another thing though!
I guess I’ll have to accept that I just can’t diet. Food is love. Food is my life. I dream about it, fantasize about it too. I mean, lunch is my favourite time at work. And never, ever will I let anything come in the way.