Running into an ex is never a pleasant experience. No matter how amicable your break-up was, no matter how smoothly you've both moved on, it's umm... mildly awkward, to say the very least. And most times when you bump into them, it's only a few hours later, drenched in regrets, that you think of the best things you could've done/said to appear as cool as you'd wanted.
Well, no more of that! I say the key lies in preparedness. And we've got the exact list of commandments you'll need for when you run into an ex. Read on, thank us later.
1. Completely ignore them if you spot 'em first. Wait for them to come say hi and then be all like, 'Oh hey! I didn't see you there!'
2. When they do spot you, make sure you and your group of friends (or whoever you're with at the time) are laughing uncontrollably at something you just said. So they remember just how fun you were.
3. When they finally come up to you to say hi, take at least 5-7 whole seconds to recognise them. Yep, act like you've actually forgotten who the fuck they are. Boom.
4. Do not tell them they look good. Rookie mistake. If they say you look good, say thank you and change the damn subject like, 'Damn straight I do! What else is up?'
'Cause you know they're gonna think about it later and be like, 'Why didn't he/she say it back? I shouldn't have worn that shirt today.' And we all live for that thrill, don't we?
5. Use the opportunity to tell them, casually, about something they hold close to them and how you'd actually always hated but were too nice to tell 'em. There's literally never going to be a better time.
6. Do not ask about the stuff they've been doing and vacations they've been on. You may have read about it on Facebook but you don't want your ex to be under the misconception that you.. umm.. care, right?
7. Talk about your latest vacation. Make it sound awesome even if it wasn't. Even if you went to Amritsar, make sure they know it was as awesome as frikkin' Amsterdam.
8. Interrupt them while they're talking, to respond to a text. Nope, not a call. A text. You've got important conversations in progress! Can't put 'em on hold for some rando you used to date!
9. Don't hold back on talking about who you're currently seeing. Seriously, don't shy away from mentioning some of the things about your new bae that make them as amazing as Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively.
10. If you aren't seeing anyone, talk about all the amazing things you're doing (or are thinking of doing) - travelling, learning French, flirting with an Italian musician, climbing Mount Everest - whatever floats your awesome boat.
11. Don't mention the break-up. If he/she mentions the break-up, act like you barely remember how it happened. 'Cause ain't nobody got time for that!
12. If while parting ways they suggest that you two keep in touch, agree with them sincerely. And then as soon as they turn away, make sure they hear you and your friends have a hearty laugh about it.
Bring on the exes, amirite?