After a long week of work, you go out with your friends on a Friday night. You have a drink and then another, it turns into shots which turns into even more shots. After projectile vomiting your self respect away, you wake up vowing to never drink again.
I’m not saying I’m hungover but I just sat on my sofa and went to put the seatbelt on.— Maff Brown (@maffbrown) April 21, 2018
I’m so visibly hungover that people are staring at me like THEY regret my own terrible decisions— payton sartain (@paytonsartain) April 29, 2018
People keep staring at me I can’t tell if it’s because I look like hungover trash or if they like it— chao (@chaod3r) April 23, 2018
I am so pretty and so nice and for those reasons I don’t believe I should get hangovers but the universe continues to test me— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 13, 2022
hungover me realizes how much she loves sober me— teenagewitch (@Lucycantaloupe) March 14, 2022
If this sounds like you, I’ve got your back!
Here’s a list of cures that will sure-shot fix your hangover, or never make you drink again:
1. Douse yourself in menthol and mint.
If you’re prone to migraines the day after, use anything and everything that’s mint or menthol based. Rub some peppermint oil into your scalp and ears, smear Vicks Vaporub under your nose to avoid feeling nauseous from foul odours (like your puke from the night before), drink an extra-large mint tea and rest the teabags on your eyelids.
2. Stale Chinese food.
Stone cold leftovers taste like soul food the morning after. Eat first, diarrhea later.
3. Rub lemon slices under your armpits.
In Puerto Rico, it is a common hangover remedy to rub lemon slices under your armpit before drinking as a way to counteract dehydration. Strongly recommend incinerating the lemon after because nobody wants a whiff of that.
4. Chug some raw eggs.
Crack eggs in a glass, add some vinegar and hot sauce, drink it straight. Some say it works because it eliminates headaches. Others say it makes you gag so hard you’ll never drink again. Either way is effective.
5. Stick your head in the fridge.
The cool air from the fridge will refresh your brain and along with it the embarrassing memories from the night before.
6. Pair up raw eels with almonds.
During Medieval times, heavy drinkers munched on a combination of raw eels and bitter almonds to wear off their hangover and get back to their usual Viking stuff. If you do dare to try this, will you please let me know how it goes?
7. Get drunk, again.
A wise man once said, “You can’t be hungover if you don’t stop drinking.”
But for real, is there really a way to avoid the intense wave of regret laced nausea? Stay hydrated and suffer in silence I guess, because let’s be honest we’re all going to repeat this cycle next weekend.