The hours leading up to Valentine’s Day hold a special place in my heart. It’s a combination of joy, anticipation and finally – release. Release at the realisation that the cockamamie pukefest that’s been parading around as a celebration of love is finally about to end.
Here’s the list of ‘special’ days leading up to Valentine’s, so you know exactly not what to do.
Rose Day
Propose Day
Chocolate Day
Teddy Day
Promise Day
Hug Day
Kiss Day
Valentine’s Day
Look at it. Just look at the kind of drivel that passes for an expression of human emotion these days. Each of these days literally sounds like an episode of Teletubbies.
I have no problem with people celebrating Valentine’s Day, really. It’s not like I freelance for the Bajrang Dal (though I do own an orange shirt, yikes). It’s just all the days leading up to it, the dreaded Valentine’s Week, if you will, that really gets my goat.
This hatred for events like Rose Day and Chocolate Day doesn’t originate from a need to protect our ‘culture’. I hate it ‘cos it’s lame, plain and simple.
In case you’re wondering why I’m so bitter about a week dedicated to the sappy and the pathetic, no, it’s not due to rejection or loneliness. I’m in a relationship, most people around me are in relationships, even their little cousins are in relationships, and none of them celebrate this shit! Yeh Teddy Day kisne socha bhenchod?!
The only people these special days really seem to work for are the folks over at Archie’s and Hallmark, slingin’ red balloons and racy love cards.
The whole situation really makes you wonder if it’s just all a big conspiracy by Archie’s and Hallmark to sell more heart-shaped balloons to love-sick baboons. Could it be? Is it possible that a massive corporation would create something as pitiful as Promise Day just to make some extra bank? Yup, sounds about right.
If you like to celebrate any of the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, you’re a dumbass – no two ways about it.
In case you’re one of those people who does, in fact, celebrate Valentine’s Week, I’m sorry, but you suck. Not in a harmful, hurt others kind of way, but in a lame, weak and easily forgettable way. You’re like sheep – you can’t think for yourself, so you let the ads on TV decide what love means to you.
^ That right there? That’s love too… tough love. And at times when you’ve gone astray (like you celebrating Chocolate Day, for example), that’s exactly what you need. Love freely, hug as many (consenting) people as you want, eat every kind of chocolate your body desires, fuckin’ lather yourselves in it for all I care, but for god’s sake, just be cool about it.
