It literally has instructions for everything. 

Like, EVERYTHING! 

Especially the peculiarly detailed “How to kiss.” A little TOO detailed maybe.

First, you ‘prepare’.

You basically have to achieve crude oil reservoir wali chiknai on your lips with lip balm. Also keep them slightly parted. Not too parted, so you don’t accidentally remember the last time your dadiji fed you a chunk of cake on your birthday.

Don’t go full-on smooshy-wooshy. Pretend your partner is a selfie cam — except the selfie cam is on your face. Pout it out.

No saliva allowed!

Maybe a little. Swallow a blotting sheet for whatever’s left. Might just work.

Now pretend both yours and your partner’s lips are Jenga blocks.

Remember, there’s an order to which they have to be “stacked”.

Don’t be a stalker. Be a stacker!

Don’t forget to breathe. Thanks, WikiHow. What do we even do without you?

I repeat. MAKE SURE YOU BREATH!!! *loses breath shouting*

*looks away from the article* *forgets to breathe*

If you’re wondering what to do with those useless hands of yours, WikiHow has you covered.

TL;DR: They’re hands, not two limp fettuccini noodles. Actual quote, not kidding.

Did they mean ‘taste using tongue’, by any chance?

Anyway, add tongue to your lip Jenga pile now.

Once you’re happy with your lip Jenga tower (You’re doing this stationary apparently), you may now move… or you know… kiss maybe?

Be unpredictable. But not like “we need to start a cult” unpredictable. Switch up some moves now and then unpredictable.

PS. Don’t throw your glasses in the air like the above image. 

Now pretend your partner is chakna.

Chocobar would also do, if that’s what you prefer.

Do it for so long that you end up getting old doing so.

You are now ready to kiss.