The Delhi Metro has always been the hub of super crazy weird people. But there’s one group of people who takes the weird to a whole new level – Metro Aunties. Following are the types of Aunties you meet in Delhi metro who make your everyday tiresome commute, way more tiresome.
1. Perpetual Starers
These are the ones who will constantly stare at any new entry in the compartment. Whether a short skirt, a new kurta, in-trend hair-do, they will make sure to harmlessly hunt down each & every minute detail about you.
2. The Seat Snatchers
Now this is the species that has mastered the art of locating an empty seat in any corner of the compartment. Even though you’ll be just 2 steps away from the seat, this smooth operator will come from behind like a shadow & will leave no stone unturned in making that coveted seat, hers.
3. Pretentious Oldies
Now these ones enter the compartment with the gusto of a 25 year old on steroids (they push and shove their way in), and then come and stand so close to you, you can actually see their head up, close and personal & in a not so good way sense their breathe all over you. And they do all this while carrying a giant puppy face.
4. Eye-balling Aunties
Now these ones are plain dangerous. Probably they got some real shit at home and boy are they waiting to take it out on someone. So dare you or your friend move an inch to accommodate yourself next to her, she will talk you down to no extent and the bonus, the rest of the compartment will carefully get down at their respective station while you are too shocked to even move.
5. Sexy lass Aunties
This type can be rare to find but they can be spotted pretty often. In case you can’t spot them, just spot any college guy staring at them. These aunties are the classy looking ‘Mango’ bag carrying, working-class older women who can knock anyone to the floor with the might of their sparkly personality.
6. Dhakka kyun maraa Aunties
Another perplexing species, these aunties are the ones who stand right in the middle of the metro gate at the platform while the poor public tried hard to get out. And when someone somehow tries to make their way around their humongous circumference, they will scream ‘Dhakka kyun maar rahe ho, tameez nahi hai chalne ki’
7. Space-making Aunties
The MOST irritating aunties of all. They see that the seat is completely occupied and there is absolutely no space left to fit in, yet they still come, force people on ‘Making some space’ and then sit in that tiny little particle space. Now see, that is still fine. The worst bit is what happens next. After they acquire this super tiny space, they attempt to wiggle their huge butts into that little space and make other passenger try out different positions of acrobatics.
8. Overly loud Aunties
The saying goes, when two women meet, they can’t just shut up. 100% True. But then it’s the same when an Aunty gets herself a phone. Now this aunty will talk loudly non-stop & some way or another make you an integral part of her conversation. And no amount of staring, request or disinterest deters them. FML.
9. Candy Crush Aunties
So it is not just the younger lot all hooked to Candy Crush. A certain section of Aunties are acing it as well. Once in the metro, these aunties get so busy leveling up their game, they turn oblivious to any other human being on the planet, whether it is an old person, differently abled or just another passenger.
10. Government blaming Aunties
This is actually an interesting species. Whether it is a long line, a metro delay, a dead bird or just the hot weather in Delhi, they will blame it all on the government. And dare you try and argue, you would be the next thing on their blame list.
11. Line cutting Aunties
And finally, make space for these aunties. They will come with a lot of confidence to the metro entry/exit but as they have already run out on the time to wait in lines in this life, they would very smartly come and ask you to let them step-in and exit/enter first. Well, good manners will prevail & you’ll let them enter first. And that’ll only leave you with a giant urge to punch yourself of course.