Friendship is a one of the most beautiful things in the world. But many a time, I just can’t help blaming Bollywood and even Hollywood for confusing people about the definition of friendship. Everything is hunky-dory till it’s Jai-Veeru or Deepika-Diana. But put two people from the opposite sex into a jar of friendship and off go all the alarms, eyebrows and what not. And then tongues contort to spill out these irritating observations and queries that make you want to shoot someone, or yourself:
1. ” Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte.”
Where do you live? In a Yash Raj film set?
2. ” Chakkar kya hai? “
Tu rehne de.
3. “Are you two seeing each other?”
My eyesight is fine. I can see you also.
4. “Why aren’t you seeing each other?”
Why aren’t you seeing a doctor?
5. “Are you sure you’re not seeing each other?”
As sure as the fact that you’re going to get hurt now.
6. “You never looked at him/her that way? Not even once?”
Has anyone told you that I own a chainsaw?
7. “You guys are so great together. You should think about dating.”
You should think about getting away from my face. Now.
8. “You two are definitely going to get married to each other.”
I think you need glasses. Because you’re seeing it all wrong.
9. ” Dosti hi pyaar hai .”
You’re so cheesy, you’ll even make Yash Chopra puke.
10. ” Jhooth mat bol. Pucca kuch chal raha hoga.”
Auntie police bulalegi?
11. “He/she is in love with you. I can tell.”
You’re an idiot. I can tell.
12. “You’re just playing with his/her feelings.”
Right now, you’re playing with fire.
13. “At least ask him/her out. Dekhna woh mana nahi karega/karegi.”
14. “Everyone thinks you two are an item.”
Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna.
15. “You’ll have such cute kids!”
It’s time you choose a different career. You suck at predicting the future.
16. “Even your parents like him/her. What’s the problem?”
17. “Does his/her girlfriend/boyfriend know about you?”
I’m sorry to disappoint you but yes. The three of us hang out all the time.
18. “You are in love with him/her. You just don’t know it yet.”
Ow ow ow, I just experienced this sharp pain in my ass. Oh it’s just you.
19. ” Beta tumhaare doosre friends nahi hain? Log kya kahenge?”
Sorry dad, me no read minds.
20. “So you are each other’s back up plan?”
Yes. If I can’t hit you, he/she will.
21. “Both of you are in denial.”
22. “If you don’t do anything about it now, you’ll regret later.”
Before that, I’ll make sure you regret opening your mouth.