My best friend recently put up a picture of both of us on Instagram.
“I have always loved your pictures together. You guys look so great. Please tell me you guys are dating?” she got a message in her inbox.
“Haha, thank you. He’s my best friend. Apart from the fact that he’s gay, it has been a great relationship, yes,” my friend responded.
And that is that. In one line, she was able to express everything about us.
Through ups and downs, fights in school, long distance & short distance, through breakups, boyfriends, fights, bad outfit choices (hers), sickness, health, countless date stories (mine), and a lot of sangria later, we’ve been together for 13 years.
She might be my primary go-to girl, but there are a lot of female friends I have, all of whom I have great amazing friendships with, the kind of friendship some of their boyfriends get intimidated by.
So what is it about women making great connections with gay people?
What makes these ladies connect so amazingly well with us? Why are we such a hot commodity when it comes to the kinda friends women want?
I think it’s a lot to do with the fact that we are no threat to them in any way whatsoever – neither are we objectifying them, nor are we trying to get into their pretty A-line dresses.
On the other hand, we are also not secretly bitching about them behind their backs with our other friends, there are absolutely no insecurities or envy involved, and we don’t see them as competition. So friendships with gay people are relatively more comfortable and quick vs a friendship with a straight man or another woman (both of which can also be amazing friends BTW).
When women talk to us about their problems, we listen. But more importantly we offer them insights that range from emotional to practical, and honest through and through, because we have absolutely no pressure to flatter or please her.
And when it’s about their relationships, we give them perspective they require to understand the man involved, that blends amazingly with the emotional understanding and empathy we have to offer. Even if dynamics of a relationship between two men, and man with a woman are different, we are united by the fact that we face very similar issues being with the difficult one of the two genders.
We also understand why she hates that HR woman in the office, why her landlord is a douchebag, why her boyfriend is or is not a keeper, and why she has a difficult relationship with her father.
And we understand her pain, the inequality she sometimes faces, her fears, the biases. We know, because in some form or the other, we have faced those things too.
On a lighter note, we make for amazing soundboards when they want to talk about sex with the male species. We can talk about it way better, we can compare notes, and tell you the exact weak points of a guy’s anatomy and how to drive your man crazy.
We will tell them exactly why that black skirt is making them look fat, why yellow is just their color on any day, and when they need a frigging hair spa. All of that without making her feel bad about herself.
Hell, we will even let them borrow our white scarf that goes perfectly well with their blue dress.
We will go ape shit crazy on your ass if you say anything less than fabulous about her, because we are fiercely protective and loyal to them girls.
We are the agony aunt, the sister, the brother, the friend, the mother, the tough love, the 3 AM friend, the stylist, the TLC, sometimes the mother too, if we have to be.
And most importantly they can be totally who they are with us. Chances are we are as crazy, if not more. We will always be there to add colors to their day. Obviously we will rather spice it up with sass first, but what the hell.