Even before I’ve fully opened my eyes, every morning, my hands are at it. It’s like, nothing can wake me up better. Not even coffee. Hold on… are you thinking what I think you’re thinking? Before you get any ideas, this isn’t about a little self-help (pun intended!). I’m talking about the mobile phone.
Some people rise and shine, I open Instagram and whine. How’s that for rhyming?
Even before my first yawn of the morning is fully over, I’m done checking out pictures and videos of my friends working out in the gym. Biceps and triceps later, while I’m dragging myself out of the shower, they’re having their #BreakfastOfChampions, or at least that’s what they call it. That picture alone is enough to kill any hunger pangs I may have felt and I make do with two cups of black coffee instead.
Then, it’s time for work. By the time I get there, a million thoughts are in my head. Why am I doing this? Can’t I call in sick and laze in bed all day? What if I’d not done an MBA like everyone else and instead pursued that course in photography? Unfortunately, neither do I have answers to these questions nor do I see people around who’ll empathize with my situation.
What I see around are smiling faces galore. These people know what they’re doing and they’re good at it. They’re not like me: doing what I despise and definitely not doing it well enough. My boss hates me, my teammates think I’m a weirdo and worst of all, I don’t think they’re wrong either. I’m clearly a misfit here. I’d like to do something else with my life. But what to do? There are EMIs and pending credit bills hanging on my head!
By the time it’s 6 in the evening and I’m half-way through my to-do list for the day, I can hear my colleagues giddy with excitement. Their plans for a post-work drink are set and I’m not even sure what time I am getting done for the day.
Just when I’m done dealing with my nervous breakdown, or as I’d like to call it my daily too-much-work-too-little-time routine, these guys are out for drinks, partying like there’s no tomorrow. Except that, for them, there actually isn’t while I’m going to have a working weekend.
On the rare occasion that I do make out time to head out, it’s generally to crib about lack of free time. Not to forget that I’m hungover the next day while everyone is up and about, doing yoga as if last night never happened!
Weekdays go by in a jiffy and on weekends, I’m either sleeping due to sheer exhaustion or working overtime. That my friends are busy working out in the morning and partying at night both amazes and disturbs me. Why can’t I have the life that everyone else seems to have mastered? Maybe, these guys actually invented this ‘work-life-balance’ thing in the first place and no one told me?
The point is that while I’m struggling to get through my life, one never-ending day after another, the world around me is making the most of every moment.
People are taking exotic holidays – my Facebook is flooded with holiday posts from at least a dozen friends – and living it up, all the damn time. And I’m just sitting on my computer, feeling sleepy, typing this article. If I may ask, how do they get so many leaves, dammit? If my boss had his way, he’d make sure I work every Sunday, at no extra cost. Oh, did I tell you that I feel the same way about my boss how I feel about tofu? (P.S. I hate tofu from the bottom of my heart!)
There’s also this phase where everyone I know is getting married or making babies. How do their relationships last so long? The only long-lasting thing in my life is my misery!
While I don’t consider myself a particularly competitive person, looking at my peers get way ahead does make me miserable. They look better, dress better and live better. They have jobs that they truly love, are in fulfilling relationships that will culminate in holy matrimony (that is if they haven’t already) and end up taking 3-4 holidays every year. And what do I do? I just wonder what went wrong with my life.
Is this what they call an existential crisis? When every single day of your life is a war that you’ll inevitably lose? Where all the things you do between waking up and passing out is simply not enough?
I need to find answers. I promise, I will. Soon.
