"Bring on the bubbly and OJ - mimosas are in order."
This isn't an extract from a bachelorette party, as most commercial television will try to tell you. This (or something similar) is a conversation a lot of guys have had in real life.
There's a long-standing belief that the XX chromosome demands that you either drink beers for an easy night or whiskey for something harder (straight, no chaser).
It fits neatly into the narrative of the uber masculine macho man. It's also BS.
Having a drink should be similar to a culinary experience. You wouldn't go to the same restaurant and eat the same butter chicken twice a week, right?
So then why is your staple libation so entrenched in the days of old?
Try out a cocktail once in a while, knock back some tequila, douse your high in some Jaeger. Don't stick to gender roles demarcated by the lowest common denominator i.e. popular opinion.
Don't get me wrong. I dig a nice lager (maybe too much), and whiskey sours make a great start to the night.
But faced with a choice between beer, whiskey and a margarita, I'd take the margarita, no doubt.
Will it slowly devolve into me swigging tharra from the bottle? Maybe, but while you're still in the honeymoon period of inebriation - the one where everything you say sounds funny - treat yourself to something nice.
The idea that men should only drink whiskey and beer has been drilled into us for eons. It's made everything else seem effeminate and impotent.
'Vodka is for Ladies Nights, tequila is for teeny-boppers and Breezers ko toh bhool hi ja.'
That's a very common subliminal refrain. I may not like some of these drinks, but I'd never judge someone if they wanted to indulge. Hell, I don't mind a cool Breezer on a sunny afternoon myself!
Depictions of most men in pop culture, especially the wizened hero, involve them slangin' shot after shot of whiskey. The same show or movie will have a goofy, useless dude who drinks appletinis and messes everything up.
It's 2018, and this shit is getting old.
Here's a little guide to alcohol consumption as a dude - drink whatever the fuck you want - put some tiny umbrellas in there, colour it pink, go crazy. And if anyone looks at you like you're falling off the deep end, offer them a sip.