"Sorry, it just isn't happening right now."
That's what we usually tell men when their tongue and fingers are working simultaneously to get us to the big O. But it just doesn't happen. While sometimes it's genuinely impossible for some women to climax, other times most women, I know, are just giving a little leeway to men who know zilch about a woman's body.
"I know it's harder for women."
That's what men say when they are unable to help us finish. Instead of admitting to the searing fact that they just don't know their way around a woman's body, they blame it on our 'difficult' organs.
Just FYI, it's actually pretty easy to get us to climax. You just need to push the right buttons.
According to Cosmo's orgasm survey, only 57% of women orgasm when they're having sex, as opposed to a whopping 95% men who can make the home run whenever and wherever they want.
That's not it.
When a cis gender partner is involved, 42% of women fake it so that they don't hurt their partner's feeling or so that they can just get done with it. Out of vaginal penetration, clitoral stimulation by a partner, masturbation and oral sex, 39% of women get off only when they masturbate.
According to a paper by Archives of Sexual Behaviour, "There is a notable gap between heterosexual men and women in the frequency of orgasm during sex."
The paper also states that 86% of women in a same-sex relationship achieve an orgasm almost always. Which is almost 30% higher than women in heterosexual relationships. Which suggests that men need to make more of an effort if the orgasm gap is to be closed.
Most men treat a woman's need to orgasm as a daunting task rather than as an intimate outcome because it takes them longer to climax. Sure it takes a little time and effort for a woman to climax, but that doesn't mean that you ignore it completely, right?
Did you know that only women have a sexual organ that has more to do with pleasure than reproduction? Did you know that a clitoris has double the number of sensitive nerve endings as compared to a penis?
But what's the point? Because no matter how much natural awesomeness we are endowed with, patriarchy makes sure we don't get our due.
Thanks to the 'moral lessons' doled out quite generously by everyone in the society, women are made to believe that they don't have the right to orgasm. Hell, for a good part of their lives, most women don't even experience an orgasm. Even after giving birth to 3-4 kids, I doubt our mother's generation has ever experienced one.
Why? Because women are repeatedly made aware of the fact that a woman's sexuality exists to give men a place to vent. Hence, sex ends up being a substitute for a punching bag rather than an intimate exploration of bodies.
And all of this boils down to the fact that men and women aren't educated enough about each others' bodies. Women are taught that they should not be sexual at all or they're taught that a woman's sexuality is only supposed to be complimentary to a man's. That it cannot and SHOULD not thrive on its own.
If a woman is sexual, she's frowned up on, her morals and upbringing questioned and her character assassinated mercilessly.
On the other hand, men are taught to take sex from women because they 'deserve' it. In a society ruled by patriarchy, desire and lust resides with the man because culturally that's how things are.
But that's not how things should be. The world is changing, it's time we did too, right? So let's educate our men and women and try and bridge this gap, shall we?
Also, ladies, your orgasm rests with you, you don't even need a man for it.