This is not your average couple. No kidding.
I’m talking about the fearless people who go for open relationships and don’t die of jealousy and other trivial emotions that we mere humans suffer from.
Think about it. While we can’t stand the idea of someone we even like talking to a stranger, those in open relationships actually don’t give a shit, they’re that emotionally evolved.
Their love game is worlds apart from the usual. It’s open to more than just one. The very concept is a big ‘fuck you’ to monogamy, playfully teasing age-old traditions.
The idea can be both repulsive and infatuating. Wait, what?
We can hook up with other people while being with someone?
Seriously? Like real sex?
The answer is obviously yes. We all know of the ‘term’ but don’t give it a serious thought. And why would we? We’re a happy, strictly exclusive majority in matters of the heart. We don’t care to tackle such taboos.
Basically, this is how the philosophy works; no matter how much you love your partner, you know that eventually you could get, well, for lack of a better word – bored; of the same face, body, habits, sounds and moves in bed.
You want to go out and explore your options, and why not? Try someone new for a change. Heck yeah, you get only one life. Why live it tied to just one person? Why not enjoy as many lovers as you can?
I’m not saying this. But it happens to be the foundation of open relationships, a phenomenon usually met with raised eyebrows and silent gasps, even in our so-called modern world.
These poor people become the “weird” or “cheating” couples that don’t know jack shit about true commitment. They’re morally unhinged and promiscuous, if not shamelessly greedy.
They’re met with bewildered expressions or curious questions, exasperated eye rolls or reckless comments, but rarely an open mind.
Well, just to offer a counter argument, they’re also adults making a conscious, collective decision to add spice to their sex lives, even if you don’t agree or understand. They plan their priorities and don’t give a damn. And ideally, neither can we, from the other side.
To be honest, open relationship participants deserve a round of applause for being crystal clear about their desires, and living up to them. They know they want multiple sexual partners. Is that such a crime?
People wonder. How does this even work? You share the same roof with a partner but let others into your bed? Doesn't it create bad blood or uncomfortable silences?
Apparently not. Thousands of happy, unconventional couples are proof of that. They just stick by their agreements.
We’ve all heard of a few famous picks from the open relationships rulebook:
You can’t fall in love with the one you’re sleeping with (duh). Don’t discuss details with your partner, even better if both choose to stay mum. Never do it with a mutual friend or acquaintance. Ideally, keep the pact a secret within the four walls of your home. Or not. You’re not allowed to get jealous. Must keep communicating, etc., etc.
And oh yeah, there will be problems. It can’t be that easy.
This way of sharing a life with someone takes guts and a heart of steel. You’re co-dependent but don’t wish to limit it to just two. If you’re lucky to find a companion who wants the same, maybe you guys can figure things out.
Society will raise objections and your queer bond will be dehumanised, but what the hell.
If you think people in open relationships don’t respect each other, you’re quite mistaken. They stay together with great dignity and compassion. They talk out their problems too. They’re people just like us, they’ve also got pacts and expectations, violating which will be taken as betrayal, just like any other relationship. It’s just that their dynamics are different.
This is a tricky choice to make. It can backfire, especially if it’s your first time. You’re definitely getting mind fucked. Learning to deal with the confusion is only natural. You’ve got to be mature and focused if you really want to make it work.
It really isn’t as simple as getting ‘the best of both worlds’.
But open relationships can go a long way. You can even have kids! It happens. It won’t be the typical setup but that doesn’t mean there won’t be love. Maybe you even decide to go exclusive to make a little family. Or not.
It all depends on how open your relationship is and how much you still want it.
For some it’s an experimental phase, for some it’s a way of living. Some get laid every few dates while some hook up only a couple of times a year.
To each their own.
At least these guys aren’t hypocrites or control freaks. They’re not secretly bored to death, wishing for ‘freedom’, cheating or trying to keep the other ‘in check’. Here, you don’t waste energy pretending. And for that, I raise a toast to these guys.
If love is meant for everybody, why just give it to one?