Being a connoisseur of the horror genre, I make sure I experience each movie on the big screen. I live for the cheap thrills that make you want to jump up from your seat.
But what really kills my buzz is when people react in the worst possible way while watching a horror movie — they laugh.
As soon as something intense is about to happen, I'm at the edge of my seat. But just when the moment finally arrives, there's an echoing of unnecessary laughter which completely ruins my mood.
And it's not even just a few giggles here and there but a barrage of laughter that is literally thrown in your face, completely interfering with the aesthetics of the film.
I get it that science backs it up by saying that we laugh when we are scared shitless. But that doesn't mean you ruin the whole mood of the movie by constantly doing it.
To make matters worse, they decorate their horrible laughter with cringe-worthy remarks.
"Abey, andar mat jaa! Marega!"
"Oh, bhench*d! G**nd phatt gayi."
GUYS! The whole point of a horror movie is to fucking scare you! Obviously phattegi! If it doesn't scare you, what's the fucking point of it being a 'horror' film!
Your distasteful comments don't add substance to the fun I actually wanted to have and instead make me lose complete interest in what's happening on the screen.
Ab tere comments pe dhyaan dun ya movie ke dialogues par?
To top it all, if anyone (me) points it out that the audience needs to 'shhh', it just gives them more reason to continue their peasant behaviour.
One time a lady actually started fighting with me once because I told her son to keep it down with his constant commentary.
"Other people are also doing it. Don't just pick on my son."
So freaking typical.
And that brings me to the worst kind of people who come to watch a horror movie.
Parents. With babies.
Who the fuck brings crying tiny infants to a horror movie?!
I mean babies shouldn't be allowed in movie halls at all anyway but really, horror movies? Do you want to scar your child for life?
Do parents not understand that the baby actually registers all the audio-visual experiences around it? It's a horror movie, dude! The AV here isn't going to make your baby fall asleep.
Oh, and God forbid if it's a toddler. Constantly running up and down the aisle, treating it like a playground.
I end up being more worried about the child falling down face-flat than watching the movie I paid for. Keep your offspring in place, people!
The only way I will be able to enjoy the true side of a horror movie is when people will stop treating the movie hall like their own home.
If you're one of these people, make sure you know you deserve a special place in hell with a spike in your chair reserved just for you.
Apne ghar mein baith kar movie dekho!