There is a utopic relationship that has infested our minds and our hearts at some point in time, in all our lives. People have blamed fairytales for this, but something I read somewhere a long time ago gives the infamous fairytales a respite, the fact that all those ladies had to somewhere step out of their comfort zones to get their happily ever afters. Something that is just slowly sinking in for many of us. Perfect is something that needs a lot of work, the sooner this sinks in, the less impatient we’ll be with the matters of the heart.
How can you expect a perfect marriage when there aren’t any perfect people in the world?
It’s all part of the romance myth fed to us for the longest time through rom-coms, mushy novels, and even greeting cards. Marriage is portrayed as a bubble that’ll never burst where it’s about the union of two people who live in perfect unison, and confrontations never arise. This has to be the reason people completely lose track of how to solve issues together. Perfect needs hard work, and we need to stop thinking that unlike instant coffee, life will never hand out a ready-to-make recipe for people. That’ll always remain an equation you’ll have to crack.
Soulmates or significant other? The circus of misused terminologies.
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that no two people are ever alike. Which means soulmates are not people who you were destined to meet, but people who share the same interests as you. However, it does not mean that they will be the people who are tuned to think just the way you do. That’s plain boring, and way too teenage-like. Get over it. Your soulmate is the person who gets you, someone who’ll have your back.
‘Destined to be together’ is the sorriest excuse there is, please get over it.
Do not think that someone’s love just emanates from you. Love is an effort that’s made every day. It’s easy when things are rosy and it’s just as difficult when you do not want to look at each other’s face. Love and hate are called two sides of the same coin for a reason. So yes, if you love someone enough to stick with them through thick and thin, it’s going to be one hell of a bumpy ride, and just as worth it. You are not with someone because you were destined to be, but because it’s your choice. Love is always a choice.
Marriage doesn’t come easy to most people in the world.
Love is a verb. This means every day will be an effort to make your marriage happy. This should not mean you spend your waking moments drafting words in a way that would make your significant other feel a little better about themselves. But it does mean the hard work of thinking about someone along with yourself, and loving them as much at the same time. Not everyone is equipped to do that, and trust me you will see your mothers in a different light once you realise how big a deal this small thing is.
It means the ‘we’ needs to be more pronounced than the ‘I’.
Stop looking at it like a part of your life that’s bound to happen. Make it a conscious choice because no matter what they tell you, you will be the one who has to deal with the marriage you make. You will be the one bearing the person day in and day out, and it’s not an easy task. So be with the person who you can team up with. Someone with whom you can argue, but where it will also be you against the world.
Life is way too short to be stuck up and unrealistic. It’s too short to be anything but happy. And happiness is the essence you need to find and nurture. Some things are never offered on a gold platter, but trust me, those are the things worth working your ass off for.
