While there are loads of tips and hacks available all over the Internet on how to have great sex, none usually do the deed better than personal accounts. We don’t start off being masters of sex, and it takes quite a few hits and misses to reach that stage of perfection. Having said that, every person is unique, and the same old tricks would not work out for every partner you may have in life.
But if you’re seeking more generic and gender-specific advice to approach sex, Reddit threads always have solutions for you. A Redditor by the handle u/karlwikman asked people who consider themselves ‘good at sex’ in the popular r/AskReddit community for suggestions they would give to someone of their own gender and sexual orientation. And most of the responses are noteworthy.
1. “When she says don’t stop, don’t change what you’re doing. Don’t speed up, don’t slow down…just carry on doing exactly the same thing.”
2. “Works for both genders: there’s nothing as intoxicating like feeling intensely desired. Make you partner know that you’re really into them – initiate, smile, show enthusiasm, seduce them. But at the same time, being too into it can be a little scary too, so it’s important that you pay attention to them – not only to gauge their response to what you do, but also to show you’re not too deep into your head. Look at them in the eye, talk, ask if they’re liking it.”
3. “SLOW DOWN. For men. The best piece of advice I ever got was go as slow as you can and then drop that another 50%. This means excruciatingly long foreplay. Most guys go right for sex and even the ones that think they do a lot of foreplay chances are it’s not enough. This will put you in the top 1 percentile and you’ll start blowing minds.”
4. “Listen to what your partner is saying and don’t be afraid to ask questions.”
5. “Get a grip. No, not like that, a vaginal grip. Train your pelvic floor and grab him hard. Guys aren’t used to getting that on command, and it’s a great trick to surprise them.”
6. “Show enthusiasm and let them see you’re enjoying it. Smile. Look happy. Don’t be a starfish ever.”
7. “You aren’t ever going to be ‘good’ at sex until you realize that every partner is different and no one technique or skill that you think you’ve mastered is going to work for all. Explore a variety of positions and options and see what works for different people. Have a ‘toolbox’ of options and find in it the tool that works best for the current job (partner).”
8. “Lesbian here: Don’t take sex so seriously, make it fun! Talk about sex especially when you’re not having it/ horny, you can discover and discuss a lot of things with a lucid mind! Don’t be afraid of toys, don’t assume your partner wants to finish.”
9. “Gay guy here: Prep the bottom with lots of tongue. Rimming relaxes things and gets him physically and psychologically ready. Use a lot of lube. Enter SLOWLY. Listen. Make tiny thrusts but don’t go full bore until he wants it.”
10. “Focusing on performance is a sure way to take the fun out of sex. It’s not NASCAR. The first thing to do is to get the idea that it’s a performance out of your head and focus on sensuality. Men probably have a harder time with that.”
11. “The biggest sex organ is the brain. Take the time to get her in the right headspace and everyone is having a good time!”
12. “Its not about what you do, Its about how you do it. Skill matters most. Size comes after. Cause size dont make up for skills.”
13. “In missionary position put a pillow under her hips, toss one or both of her ankles onto your shoulders and pay attention to her responses to figure out when you’re hitting the right spot. Don’t be shy about including a vibrator either.”
14. “Straight men: not all women can orgasm from penetration alone. You need to put some work into actually finding out what pleases your partner.”
A good sex life is a journey. It doesn’t happen in a go. In the end, it’s all about taking your time, communicating, and learning from your experiences.