Bad boys have earned a nasty reputation for not making enough efforts and still getting the girl. In turn, womenfolk have been stamped and stereotyped as ‘chicks who dig bad boys’. Guess what? Not true. Not always, at least.
The whole hue and cry that people raise about how men are always doing the right things to get the girl is utter bullshit, if you ask me. Because there’s no distinct demarcation between a nice man and a bad man. There are no tells that makes a ‘bad guy’ stand out. Everyone has shades of both good and bad. And us, women, we just like men who treat us like we should be treated. If they happen to have a naughtier, badder side to them, well, that’s a bonus.
Women on Reddit started a discussion about their experiences with the so called ‘nice guys’. And trust me, once you’re done reading these, you’d have a much better insight. So, read on:
1. “A long time ago, a guy in my group project insisted on driving me home afterwards because he didn’t want me to walk in the rain. How nice of him, I thought.”
“The next time our group met up, he wanted to drive me home again, but I declined because I was going to a friend’s place. He blew the fuck up at me and said the only reason I wouldn’t date him (first of all, a ride home is not a date, dude!) was because he was Middle Eastern. I already had a boyfriend at the time who was Lebanese. I thought that would shut him up, but then he said that white women shouldn’t be with Arabic men! Like you just wanted to date me a second ago, pal. Another dude in the group thankfully suggested subtly that we finish the project via email. A true bro. I’ll never forget you, guy whose name I forgot.”
2. “I was getting tutored at school one time and the guy who was tutoring me was asking what my plans were for the weekend. I assumed it was small talk so I just said the usual, studying, working, hanging out with my boyfriend.”
“He got so pissed. He started to rant on and on about how girls like me were all the same. Always ‘using’ guys and then never giving anything in return. That he helped me and the least I could do was go out on a date with him. That he’s so nice and no girls ever want to date him, probably because we all like jerks (his words). He said I was a tease too for allowing him to tutor me. He got kind of aggressive too and started to slam things around, shove chairs into the tables and stuff. I ran out of there so fast.”
3. “I had a random guy add me on Facebook. One mutual friend, but nothing else in common. No idea who he was, so, logically, I ignored the request.”
“The next day I start getting messages like, ‘I know someone as beautiful as you would never talk to me, but I have to try.’ ‘Girls like you are the worst. I’m just being nice.’ ‘You could at least say hi, bitch, I’m the best you could get.’ I blocked him. Was thoroughly creeped out for awhile after that. Who does that?”
4. “I had one guy who had a crush on me completely stop talking to me when I started dating someone else, but on my birthday I got a huge box in the mail from him.”
“It had a ton of weird stuff in it, bed sheets, a stuffed giraffe, an old journal from a young grade that they had to write in for points with new entries made about me (all written in kid style), a framed college of pictures of me and screenshots of our text conversations, a letter explaining the giraffe begged to be sent to me, as well as congratulating me on my 4 month anniversary.”
“I called him immediately to tell him that it was inappropriate and he called my boyfriend and got into a fight with him or something and then posted on Facebook about how he ‘went out of his way to get a nice gift for a girl who didn’t appreciate it’.”
5. “One time I got a five page love letter from my best friends fiancé. Three months before their wedding.”
“I had been dating somebody for 1.5 years by then and we are still together now, going on 4 years. The letter was typed and put in my mailbox and pretty much asked for me to be a sister wife to my then BFF.”
“The entire letter was creepier than that if you can believe it but I’m just giving you a gist of the situation here. I turned the guy down and let my friend know that I would no longer be a bridesmaid or attend her wedding, in general. My boyfriend let it go because I told him I could handle it, but then the love letter guy wouldn’t leave me alone. Resulting in my boyfriend telling him that he had let love letter guy say what he wanted to say without getting involved but now I had made my choice and he needed to let it go. Love letter boy got very offended and called me and my boyfriend terrible things.”
6. “When visiting my hometown, an old guy friend from high school contacted me saying him and a group of old high school buddies were going to a “coffee house” at our old school then to a bar after and they wanted me to come.”
“When I got there, it was just him. He told me the one person cancelled and the two others were running late and would meet us at a bar after the show. I always felt comfortable with this guy, so I didn’t mind sitting in the back of the coffee house and catching up.”
“After the coffee house, he offered to follow me home so I could drop off my car. He didn’t drink, but I did at the time. He said he would be my DD. I thought that would be alright. My mom knew my plans.”
“We get to the bar and the couple of friends are there waiting on us with drinks for me. I have about 4 mixed drinks. Our two friends take off, but my ride was finishing up a game of pool, so I waited. He ordered me another drink even though I said I had enough and got frustrated and offended that I wouldn’t drink it since he paid for it. I caved in and drank it.”
“After driving me home, he tried to bang me in my driveway. Hands all over the place, kissing me while I pushed him away. I had to slap him across the face to get him to stop. After slapping him, he bitched about how lucky I should feel because he was a really nice guy and treated me like a princess all night. He also screamed at me from the car window that I was a slut. He was not a nice guy.”
7. “I was friends with my coworker who was significantly older than me. He had a wife and a newborn baby. I was 18 at the time, just FYI.”
“We never talked outside of work, just were friendly during office hours because we worked in the same room and were part of a small company. We would often go for lunch together because he could drive and I couldn’t, and there was no food places within walking distance.”
“Slowly over time he started hitting on me and flirting with me more and more. I always made a point of shutting him down, and not in a joking manner. Nearing the end of my contract at the company, he insists we go for lunch together that day. Alright, we go. He tries to buy my lunch but I tell him no.”
“We’re driving back and he’s really laying the flirting on thick. We pull into our office’s parking lot and this MOFO looks over and puts his hand super high up on my thigh. Before he could say anything I looked him dead in the eye and told him to get his fucking hand off of me.”
“Homeboy started in with the “oh hey I didn’t mean anything by it I’m a nice guy” bs. I left and went inside. Later that same day when he was back in our room he kept saying things about how we were good for each other and he was a good guy and he thinks we could really have had something if it weren’t for his wife.”
“I was honestly scared to go into work for the next week because I thought he might try to kiss me. Ugh.”
8. “Many moons ago, I met a guy on OKCupid and went on exactly one date. We had an okay time until the end of the date when he would not let go of me. As in, hugged me and wouldn’t stop. At first I kind of laughed, but it quickly accelerated to Fucking-Let-Me-Go-Now.”
“He let go about 2 seconds before I went screaming bloody murder ballistic, and suffice it to say I was done with this guy forever. He sent me three emails that night, three the next day, and kept this up for about a month. Then about three months later he emailed me again, to see, “if you’ve decided you’re into nice guys after all.”
9. “I left a university club meeting and the organizer told all the guys to walk the girls to their cars to protect them. “
“One guy walked me to my car and then pinned me against my door refusing to let me get into my car until I kissed him and agreed to go on a date with him. He kept saying he was a nice guy, he walked me to my car, he was a gentlemen. I kept begging him to let me go and that he was hurting me. He had pinned my arm behind my shoulder. I finally relented and let him kiss me while I cried and lied that I would go on a date with him. When I finally got home and told my friends what happened they said, ‘Why didn’t you just agree to go on a date with him? He’s such a nice guy!’ That happened 10 years ago and it still scares me.”
10. “First few weeks in freshman year of high school, was waiting at the lunch line when a senior comes up to me and offers to pay my lunch.”
“Despite being 14, I can still tell he’s obviously going to try to make a move or something but I say fuck it, free lunch right? Anyway, he buys my lunch and I expect him to ask my number or some other petty shit, but this motherfucker says, and I quote: ‘meet me in the bathroom after lunch’.”
11. “What was supposed to be a one-night hookup thing turned into a marriage proposal and a love confession.”
“Since I was, you know, 20, I turned him down as kindly as I could. But it escalated from there, until he was manipulating me and guilt-tripping me into paying attention to him. I’d told him from the beginning that I was not the slightest bit willing to sacrifice my independence/single life, but he went ahead and bought me a huge care package with all kinds of boyfriend things. So of course, I call him, tell him how inappropriate it is, how I still don’t want to date him — and he tells me to keep it.”
“Shortly afterwards, my life got very hectic and busy, and I didn’t talk to him for four days. Four. days.”
“He sends me long, angry messages over all mediums possible about how I am a fucking cunt for ignoring him, and how I should throw out his gifts because I didn’t deserve any of it. He talked about how he didn’t deserve to be treated like such shit by a girl he had given his whole heart to, and he had done nothing but put me first in every aspect of his life, and he was in love and he wanted to be with me. Oh, and could I tell him what he did wrong, because he wanted to make it better. Still very confused by how he thinks that’s acceptable.”
12. “Oh boy. I was out at a bar, and a guy started talking to me. After about 5 minutes I told him I actually had a long term boyfriend, so if he would rather mingle that was totally fine with me and I completely understood!”
“He looked so hurt and was like ‘OMG no, you seem great and I’d love to keep talking, of course that’s no problem at all!’ He was really outgoing and we had a fun rapport, so I stuck around.”
“About an hour in, I’m now pretty buzzed and the nice-guy-manipulation begins. He keeps touching me and whenever I tell him to stop he’s like “You’re so on edge, I’m just being friendly, omg haha!” Just constantly invalidating my boundaries and making me feel impolite.”
Then he starts in with the badgering, ‘If you weren’t interested, why did you accept a drink? If you’re so happy with your boyfriend then why are you out here? Don’t you know he’s probably cheating on you since he’s alone? You’re too young for a serious relationship anyway.’
“I finally had it when he said, ‘Look at your sister over there, she’s so sexual and men love her. You should be like that, people would like you better.’ I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about and I was visibly angered.”
“Then the weirdest thing happened. In that moment I turned invisible. Like his eyes glazed over and I ceased to exist and he just wandered away to a new group of girls. As soon as he finally gave up trying to get in my pants, I wasn’t even a person anymore. Our hour plus of laughing together and sharing about our lives I took as a genuine human connection meant literally nothing. I was just someone maybe he could bully into fucking. It sucks being reduced to an object after you think someone actually found you interesting and funny or whatever. But, such is life sometimes.”
13. “I cosplay and have a page on Facebook for it. Some guy found it and proceeded to non-stop message me 24/7, telling me how beautiful I was, how much he loved my costumes, etc. “
“Anyways, I mainly cosplay from League of Legends and I have a group of five of us that normally play together. This guy wanted to play with us bad, so I finally agreed to one game and invited him to the Skype call. He used a low voice changer in the call and was saying all this weird shit to my friends and in all chat in game. He kept going on about how ‘hot’ I was and all that shit. Turns out he added my friend before the game started and private messaged him saying, ‘Her laugh makes me cum in my pants.’ “
“My friend took a picture of it and sent it to me and shit got real awkward trying to get him to leave. We invited my boyfriend at the time and that just pissed him off and he put on ANOTHER voice changer on top of the low one so it sounded super fucked up. It ended it him threatening me saying that he knew where I lived, was going to come rape me, torture me, murder me, and then fuck my corpse.”
14. “I’m a lesbian, have been out for a long time so it’s not a secret or anything.”
“Back in uni there was this dude who was a mutual friends with my friend group. I got along with him okay before things came to a head around my last two years. Apparently he had been having a crush on me and had been resenting that I wouldn’t reciprocate. Proceeded to tarnish my reputation with my friends and got them to basically up and abandon me. When I met my current SO and we were working towards getting together, he sent a former friend to tell my SO that I’m a bad person. Good thing she didn’t listen. We’ve been together for 3 years now. “
15. “Around last year I ran into someone I had vaguely known in high school but didn’t like back then because he was really strange. But when we saw each other he seemed like he had really matured so we added each other on Facebook and would occasionally message each other.”
“He started going through a really rough time (his dad passed away, he’d started getting into harder drugs, etc.) so when he reached out for help I tried to do my best to be there for him. Convinced him to start going to therapy and all that jazz, and it really seemed like it was helping. Then he started pushing me to come over to his college and hang out with him even though it was an hour away and would try to invite himself over to my apartment. I just brushed it off and made excuses about not being able to. ”
“A few weeks down the line he asked me why I never gave him a chance. I’ve been with my SO for almost three years and this guy knew that we were still together because of Facebook and the fact that I was with my SO as often as I could. I told him that I was with someone that I was very happy with and that all he was ever going to be was a friend. He lost his shit and started calling me and messaging me calling me a lying whore and that I led him on. He said he was always so nice to me so I would fuck him and now it was all just a waste of time. He started threatening to kill himself if I wouldn’t sleep with him. I ended up calling the police for them to go check on him since he was saying all that stuff and I didn’t want him to hurt himself. They ended up admitting him for around a week and I’ve had to block him on every social media and change jobs just so he wouldn’t show up and do anything to me. “
“He’s been spreading lies about me now apparently, since when I went back home for Thanksgiving break I had people asking me why I cheated on my SO with that guy and if I really had him put in a mental hospital because he ended the affair. “
16. “We dated for maybe 2 weeks, I wasn’t feeling it, so rather than lead him on, I broke up with him.”
“He went on to tell his whole Christian bible college about how the woman he was going to marry had broken his heart and that they should pray for me. He then texted me every few days to tell me that he was praying for me and that he’s here for me whenever I’m ready. I blocked him after a few of those, because I’m happily in a great relationship now. But he still posts stuff on instagram about me and how I broke his heart… it’s awkward. “
17. “It was high school. I considered the guy my best friend, and when he revealed that he had feelings for me I rejected him and asked if he was comfortable staying just friends.”
“He INSISTED that it was cool that I didn’t feel the same way and he wanted to keep hanging out platonically. He was mostly pretty okay about it. Until I started seeing a girl. He joked and said, ‘Wow, even girls are getting a shot with you before I do, huh?’. I told him that my new relationship was a secret because she and I were both still in the closet. He was the only one I told, since, you know… he claimed to be my best friend.”
“By the next week, everyone in our entire home town knew. Faced tons of backlash. Got homophobic slurs muttered about me in the hallways at school. Good times.”
18. “Oh boy. Here’s my ‘nice guy’ story. So, to make it short, I met a guy at a party, I honestly didn’t find him attractive but I didn’t even care because of his personality.”
“He asked me if I was seeing anyone and I told him I’d just gotten royally screwed over by my ex-boyfriend and he told me how terrible he thought that was, saying he could never imagine messing with someone’s emotions etc. I was drunk so we ended up kissing a little and we exchanged numbers. We hung out a few times but only in his car, he would never actually take me out. It got to the point where he wanted to ‘fool around’ and I told him In the car? Yeah right, there’s not even a TV in here.”
“This dude put a TV in his car. He picked me up one night and ‘surprised’ me with the TV then brought me to my then high school parking lot and asked for a blowjob. I turned him down and we watched some lame movie. He was obviously irritated with me but I didn’t care, I was more irritated with him. I quit seeing the guy when I found out he had a fiancée and a child on the way. Turned out not to be a nice guy at all. “
19. “I was talking with my friend and noticed a guy watching me from across the room. He looked scruffy, neck beard and a little greasy, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt by just avoiding eye contact.”
“He moved a few chairs closer. He sat across from my friend and me. Then he moved his chair to be knee to knee with me, cutting off my conversation with my friend and trapping me in a corner. This was a hell no moment but he was pretty big, and I’m not, so I tried to talk my way out of it. Dude didn’t want me to escape. He handed me a paper with his phone number on it.”
“He tried to start a conversation. Asked me what movies I liked, I said the Avengers. Wrong answer. He started lecturing me on why I couldn’t know about them and how Captain America, though I ‘probably didn’t know much about him,’ is ‘inherently inferior to Iron Man, but the ladies drool over him anyways’.”
“Okay, cool. He’s big, he’s pissy, and he’s edgy. I want out. I tried to scare him off. I tried to be polite. Everything I did, he liked. What really sold it? He leaned forward, caressed my knee, and said, ‘Wow, you are just like I designed you in my computer’.”
“Deer in the headlights look from me, and my friend has taken off to look for backup. ‘Wait, I mean you’re the kind of girl I would have designed in my computer!’ Not helping, dude.”
“Friend didn’t find backup, but she ran back over and yelled some stupid “oh no we’re gonna be late gotta go now!” Bowled him out of the way, grabbed my arm, and took off, while he shoots after me to text him and that we have a date Friday. I owe her a life debt, and I never sit down in that lobby anymore.”
20. “I had this friend in high school – and we’ll call him a ‘friend’ quotes and all, because I don’t talk to him anymore – who I’d thought was a pretty chill dude. He was kind of a dork and didn’t have a lot of friends, but I was kind of the same way so I could relate. “
“Anyway, towards the beginning of our senior year of high school, I started steadily dating another friend of ours who had asked me out a few weeks before.” My ‘friend’ flipped his lid.
“Now, this ‘friend’ had also asked me out on a couple of previous occasions, but I’d always declined because I didn’t see him as anything more than a buddy. So one evening I told him that I’d started dating this other person, and this guy just went off on me, claiming that he had more of a right to date me because he’d known me longer, that he’d been a good friend to me, the works. It was a royal mess. That ‘friendship’ somehow lasted another two years. I finally cut it off at the knees because he was an emotionally manipulative jerk who kept trying to horn in on my relationships and got jealous when I made new friends. Last year I dropped him like a bad habit and have never felt better. Don’t remain friends with nice guys.”
