Keep reading to know what the coach revealed!

1. What’s the best advice you have ever given to somebody?

– Dirty_Questions69

“One of the biggest things that I find myself talking about over and over again with everyone, which totally changed my life, is that pay really close attention to what you do when you are uncomfortable. Whether that discomfort is sadness, anger, pain, embarrassment or something else. We often tend to resist these feelings and end up causing worse harm to ourselves by avoiding them rather than allowing ourselves to feel them. When we brush up against discomfort, our first reaction is usually to pull away, but sometimes we need to step into it in order to make progress in our lives. For example, you have to be embarrassed in order to learn a new skill. And you have to feel vulnerable in order to create intimacy in a relationship. You will have the biggest wins when you simply embrace the fact that discomfort is a part of life and keep yourself moving toward what you want.”

2. What made you want to pursue a career like that?

– shiggysupremacy

“I started as a regular life coach, which was something I had wanted to do for a long time. As I built my business and started looking for a niche, I decided to bring my long-time love of the kink and the BDSM community to my work. I personally had a tough time trying to accept my sexuality and kinky side and make it work within my marriage. It took me a lot of trial and error, so I began to look for ways I could help others to reach a point of feeling good about their sex lives without having to go through years of drama and misery.”

3. Do you have any tips for someone who is sex-repulsed and whose partner has a high sex drive?

-kingvjess

“Absolutely. This was a huge issue for me for several years in my marriage and I know exactly how painful it is for both partners. First, it’s important to communicate with your partner. It can be uncomfortable and vulnerable to talk about sex in a relationship when the sex is not working out as we want, but it is SO important that both partners feel safe to express their feelings, desires, and challenges without making the other one defensive. This takes practice and a lot of love and trust. It can help if you both try to be curious and approach the situation like you are a team working together to improve the situation, rather than trying to blame each other or shut down. Second, let go of shame. Shame makes it hard to communicate, crushes our sex drive, drains your energy and makes it impossible to change. When we want to make a change, the first thing we have to do – ironically – is to accept ourselves the way we are. It’s normal and ok for a person to have no interest in sex and it’s also ok to have a high sex drive. Yes, it can cause friction in a relationship, but ultimately there is nothing wrong with either. Please trust that you are ok exactly as you are and that your needs and desires in your relationship are valid, regardless of your sex drive. Next, discuss with your partner what each of you needs to make the relationship work. Be honest about what you need and want, and be prepared to hear the same from your partner. Don’t panic if your needs seem mutually exclusive – there is almost always a way to get both of your needs met if you’re willing to put your head together and figure it out. Notice that none of this requires either of you to change. You don’t have to want more sex. Period. But, if you want to want more sex, here’s what I recommend: there are so many ways to go about this, but the simplest is just to make a little pleasure practice. Set aside 10 minutes a day for pleasure. Don’t start with anything overtly sexual, just sit and pay attention to your body. How does it feel? Are there areas that feel good? Do parts of you feel bad? What can you do to increase or add pleasurable sensations at this moment? If you feel inspired to masturbate or something like that, go for it, but it’s also great to just sit and enjoy the sensation of breathing for a few minutes. Whatever you do is a gift for yourself and doesn’t need to look a certain way. This practice is all about befriending your body and learning to listen to its cues. For a lot of people, simply reconnecting with their bodies can work wonders. Sometimes, though, we are dealing with stress, shame and trauma that causes us to shut down our pleasure responses and can make connecting to our bodies challenging or even frightening. If this is you, I’d recommend working with either a coach or therapist, though without knowing some specifics it’s hard to say which.”

4. What is the most common female kinky desire?

– kconnors

“Most commonly, I see women who want a dominant partner. The common interests are usually basic things like moderate impact play. Hair pulling and choking also seem to be big turn-ons too or even just “rough sex”, even for women who consider themselves vanilla. More often than not, the turn-on is in being able to surrender and having a partner that can take control, rather than a specific activity. Also, many (NOT ALL) women in the kink community enjoy fancy rope bondage. It just makes a girl feel special. There are also women who despise being submissive and want nothing more than to use naked men as furniture around the house or women who aren’t into power dynamics at all and just want to dress up in sexy latex.”

5. How to bring up kinks and fetishes with a new partner?

– fishboy728

“You just have to embrace being uncomfortable. It is always scary to bring up things that are so personal with a new partner. Being vulnerable feels terrible, but it’s SO good for you. It means you are showing up authentically, building intimacy with your partner and taking active steps toward the relationship and sex life you really want. So, first, recognize that there’s no way to do it without feeling vulnerable, then get clear on all the very good things that could come out of it.”

6. What training, licenses and degrees do you have?

– DaddyVet

“I did my Certified Life Coach and Master Certified Life Coach training through a school that is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. I have done additional training in sexual education, BDSM and trauma awareness. There are no licenses for life coaches. I have a BFA, which has little to do with what I do now. Honestly, though, most of my expertise has been gleaned from decades of struggling with the same issues my clients do. It took me a lot of effort to get to a point where I have a happy marriage, an amazing kinky sex life and I am generally thriving. I have had to learn most of what I know through trial and error and ruining lots of relationships so that my clients don’t have to.”

7. Do you think your job saves lives?

– IFeedLiveFishToDogs

“I don’t think that I save lives necessarily, but I certainly improve lives. I save relationships that could be lost and that’s good enough for me. Leave the hero stuff to the real heroes. As for what I do, I mostly just sit and listen to people and ask questions that are intended to help them clarify what’s in their own minds.”

8. My wife and I haven’t had sex in 7 years. Any suggestions for how to get it going again or how to embrace my kink?

– Emergency-Bus7696

“The best thing you can do to rekindle sexual intimacy after a long period of no sex is to reopen communication. This can be a really sensitive and vulnerable experience for both partners, so be really careful to avoid blame or pressure on your wife. Basically, at first, your goal should simply be to get you both talking about it. Find out about her thoughts and feelings about sex, about not having sex, about her body and your body. Share your thoughts and feelings with her. I’m not saying you should sit down and have a conversation with her. I am saying you should start having conversations with her regularly. Start talking about sex and how it makes you feel and what your desires are. Make sure she knows you don’t have expectations, but simply want to get things out in the open. This almost always sucks, at first. There is usually a lot of shame, stress and resentment and all sorts of big feelings that are not fun to parse through, but you have to stay committed to trusting and loving each other and working through it as a team. A couples therapist can be a huge help with a process like this since they basically facilitate the communication in case you get stuck or defensive. As for your kink, if you are being open and honest during these conversations, it will likely come up at some point. Keep in mind that we are hardwired to fear rejection and that it can seem like the worst possible outcome, but the reality is that no matter how your wife reacts, you are capable enough to get through it. The worst thing that could happen is that you are going to feel bad for a while and that’s something you will 100% survive. The best thing that could happen is that you’re going to have all your kinky desires fulfilled and have the sex life of your dreams, so, it seems worth the risk to me.”

9. I know there is subspace for submissives but is there any for a dominant? How do they achieve that?

– LuxAeterna345

“I have honestly never heard anyone talk about a “dom space”. But, subspace is typically a trance-like state in which we feel completely surrendered to the experience and are able to be fully present and embodied. Although a dom has to be a bit more aware of what’s going on in a scene and cannot exactly let go completely the way that a sub can, I would imagine that being fully present and connected with the sub could create a similar “fully in it” experience.”

10. My boyfriend, who is a complete sub, has been acting very dominant recently. What could be going on there?

– Holiday-Plane

“It’s normal for interests and desires to vary over time. Perhaps, he is connecting with a more dominant side or maybe it’s a miscommunication. The best way to find out is to ask him about it. Take a light, curious approach so he doesn’t feel judged or called out. He may appreciate the opportunity to talk it out.”

11. Do you recommend subspace in a long-distance relationship in a voice chat?

– Momma_Yeti85

“This is a tough one because it’s different for everyone. I think one of the things that makes subspace so special is the sense of absolute surrender and surrender takes two things: 1. Trust in your partner/their ability to control the situation and 2. Willingness to be vulnerable. The actual activities that you choose will depend a lot on what the two of you like, but how you do it matters more than what you do. Focus on opening yourself up. Pay close attention to things that make you feel shy or that seem hard to say, like sharing those things that make you feel vulnerable and increase intimacy and trust. I would recommend a “scientific” approach. Try a bunch of things and keep a journal of how you feel before during and after each session, recording your data can help you identify specifics that help get you into subspace. This could even be a cute kinky shared activity if you want to work it into your dynamic.”

A lot to learn from this AMA!