You’re in a relationship that’s going really well. There’s love, chemistry and excitement. You love spending time together, chat on phone for hours. The sex is amazing and you both have similar likes and dislikes. On social media, you’re legit #relationshipgoals. 

Basically, it’s a blissful relationship, full of love. There’s ample trust and honesty and nothing is off the table. There isn’t any problem. Actually, there is. Not a problem per se. Just a road that promises to be way too risky. But then, you’re almost on it, too late to change routes.

Should you honestly talk about all your past relationships with your partner? Or, should you hide some stuff just to keep things well?

In every relationship comes a stage when conversations get deeper as the bond starts gaining intensity. 

Suddenly, it isn’t just about having sex, partying, going on dates and asking each other what they ate for lunch. The relationship becomes more about exposing ones mind and soul and shares thoughts we’d never spoken about. It is at this stage that the past usually comes up. 

No matter how ‘cool’ or ‘open-minded’ we may think we are, we’re all eager to know about our partner’s past relationships. Not to judge them (or maybe to judge, yes) but more to have all the information just in case something or someone comes from the past into the present. An old friend reminds your partner about a certain trip when you weren’t a part of their life. A birthday gift still present in their room. A Facebook memory. You know what I’m talking about!

To ensure that such moments don’t become a cause for trouble, they say, it’s best to openly share things from the past with the one in your present.

But what if your past isn’t something you’re too proud about? Or worse, what if the other person won’t take it too comfortably? 

We all have a number, right? 

The number of people we’ve hooked up with, the number we’ve dated. And sometimes, just sometimes, the number is a little too much and that’s fine. 

You’re an independent, modern human being and have the right to date and do as many people as you’d like. Just that you can’t expect the whole world to understand your choice. Especially not the one you’re currently in a relationship with. Because no matter how evolved a person and how deep the love, a past full of steamy nights and passionate love affairs would make even the most love-lorn new lovers uncomfortable, right?

Put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Would you be okay knowing that your partner has opened their heart out to many, many people in the past? That they’ve wrapped their body around many other people? Bared their soul to a lot of them? 

If you don’t expect to be entirely comfortable, is it fair to expect your partner to take everything in good spirit and make peace with it?

From what we’ve been told, honesty is the best policy. 

To sustain a relationship, you’ve got to be transparent with your partner and keep no secrets. But while all this is ideal and sounds excellent in books and movies, real life isn’t always so black and white. People aren’t always so understanding and the past isn’t always just that.

All of us look at life and love in our own unique way. For some, love is transient and it’s okay if you’ve shared an intense period of time with someone else and probably won’t feel that same passion with another person. But for others, what’s in the present should be the most passionate, most intense. Anything less won’t work and they’re not settling for it. 

Basically, honesty can’t be a blanket rule for all relationships. It’s like sex – all of us like it in our own style!

When traversing through the tricky terrains of a relationship, it’s better to play it smart. 

While honesty will certainly take you a long way in life, in a relationship, it’s better to be honest only when it won’t cause any damage to your bond. The things that could hurt the other person are better kept as a secret. Share only what will be taken in the right spirit!

What’s love if not a game of hide and seek, after all!