We know how sex is a hush-hush topic, and that has always resulted in misinformation and even character assassination. Since, we hardly talk about it, we feel like it’s something inappropriate, when it’s really not. Similarly, female pleasure is associated with a lot of shame, as if women should be deprived of yet another thing.
So, there’s very little association of pleasure with sex, for women. And hence, men don’t understand a lot about it – but some things are too important to not know about:
1. Women like it and need it as much as they do.
As much as we like to believe that sex (specifically for women), is all about procreation, there’s more to it. Our society has labelled the discussion around female pleasure as taboo, and hence, women are made to fear being shamed if they actually enjoy sex and physical intimacy. It’s definitely not just a ‘guy thing’ and women are just as entitled to sexual pleasure as men are.
2. Women masturbate too.
Given that the idea of female pleasure is associated with “inappropriate practices”, everything that is a means for pleasure for women is looked at the same way. But, a lot of men seem to think that women do not masturbate, and this information is not always well-received by them. While masturbation is about sexual liberation, it somehow offends society (and men) when women achieve liberation in any form.
3. All women are different.
Newsflash: All women are “not the same”, and hence they like different things. There’s no specific formula to female pleasure — something that works for someone might not work for someone else. And it shouldn’t be assumed what a person likes, when you can literally ask them. Of course, don’t Google it either, it’s not a crash course.
4. There’s the clitoris, but there’s more to our bodies than just THAT.
It is surprising when people, specifically men know about the existence of the clit, given how no sex-education curriculum talks about it, ever. But female pleasure is more than just the one part, and it’s definitely not something that you need to “get done”.
5. It’s not complicated.
Sex-education is usually not given any importance, if anything, we’re taught about reproduction more than sex itself. However, male anatomy is given more attention than the female anatomy, which makes female pleasure sound like a complicated subject altogether. With little to no information about the female bodies, it’s understandably difficult to understand or achieve pleasure. When the truth is, it’s not complicated, it’s just not talked about enough.
6. Sex isn’t just penetration.
We have always been conditioned to think of sex as just penetration, when in fact, it’s also about the act. For women, reaching orgasm is not the same as men, and hence female pleasure isn’t confined to penetration. To understand how women’s bodies work in relation to pleasure, men (and even women) need to understand their (or our) bodies or what arouses them.
7. Women want you to listen.
Talking about sex or pleasure, even if you’re comfortable with the idea can get awkward. Which again, is a result of how society has conditioned us to think of it as taboo. But, like men, women also like ‘things’ a certain way, and we definitely want to be heard. Listening to a woman talk about what she likes doesn’t mean that you’re not ‘good at it’, but it in turn makes the experience better for both the people.
8. It requires a certain mental space.
Women are not like faucets, and it’s not always about how you’re “doing”. Pleasure is just as much a mental concept as it is physical. And it’s not all black and white – which means that just because a woman doesn’t reach orgasm, doesn’t mean that you’re to blame. Like men, women also need to feel comfortable during the act, and that comfort requires a certain mental space.
9. Not all of us like your inspiration from porn.
Of course, porn is a source of information when it comes to sex, specifically in a society like ours. But, sadly a lot of it is misconceived, and that’s not how things work in reality. Additionally, a lot of porn doesn’t focus on female pleasure, safe sex or even consent. There are also some weirdly misconstrued ideas, that are deeply wrong. So, bringing that to your own lives might not be the best idea.
10. It exists.
Last, but not the least, female pleasure EXISTS. It’s not a fantasy subject that people only talk about.
A lot of it mostly comes down to communication. So, it’s best to just ask women what they like.