Bollywood screwed many things for us, but one constant is our expectations of love! The idea of a perfect relationship today reeks of unrealistic expectations and the false understanding we made about love. A lot of toxic things are glorified- including that your partner should be your best friend, your partner can always live up to your expectation about love, or things should always be easy with them.
In the world of unrealistic expectations in a relationship, we bring to you a guide that will help you identify what you should expect in a relationship.
1. “The automatic expectation that relationships are hard work and that you always have to be working on your relationship to sustain it. If you are constantly needing to work this hard at something, it’s not the right match for either of you. Additionally, that constant compromise is the best tool for relationships. When you compromise, that means that neither one of you is satisfied with the outcome. Constant compromise will only equal constant dissatisfaction.”
2. “The expectation that one’s partner should be their everything, and serve all their social and emotional needs.”
3. “The need to be in constant contact. Wanting time to yourself/ without your SO is healthy. Being able to say to your partner “I’m doing my own thing” for whatever amount of time that is, is ok. And everyone is entitled to do so. Partners that refuse to let their person have a night without them wanting updates/check-in calls/ etc rub me the wrong way.”
4. “Thinking if someone says I love you that automatically means that they want to marry you and want to have a life with you. Being super upset when one person has been with more people than you. And then getting super jealous.”
5. “To love someone unconditionally means you have to put up with their shit unconditionally. No, sir. I will love you the whole time I am walking away from you. That you need to spend 24/7 in each other’s company. That you need to be invited on EVERY SINGLE OUTING. That you need to be servants to each other. That romcoms represent real life.”
6. “If you don’t combine finances you have one foot out the door” “If you don’t take his last name you aren’t committed enough” “Always to bed at the same time” “Always resolve your argument before bed” Alright. There are many different ways people manage their relationships and marriages. Alright there isn’t a size that fits all.”
7. “In heterosexual relationships, the man’s pleasure is prioritized, and “it’s ok” if the woman doesn’t get off. Screw that! Regardless of gender or orientation, don’t be selfish. Work to please your partner too!”
8. “That your love can fix someone. That public declarations or showings of love are romantic. That staying is easier. That living together should happen quickly. That constant contact is normal.”
9. “That acting “not jealous” is the way to go. If someone else makes you feel jealous you should voice it and if they don’t care to validate you should just leave. Pretending to be cool with them talking to every new person they meet or old flings just ends up wasting your time in the long run.”
10. “Being mind readers. Controlling or possessiveness is seen as either “sexy” or “caring”. Tracking each other’s location. It’s crazy that this has become so normalized.”
11. “The need for constant validation and expecting your partner to “make you happy”. That’s a sign of insecurity. Happiness comes from within you. It’s not someone else’s responsibility. Work on yourself.”
12. “Dumping your insecurities or issues on someone else. And it is different from being vulnerable. You can communicate your insecurities/issues once but not throughout the day.”
13. “The feeling that gifts must be expensive, or at least equal to mine in price. Time and time again I found whoever I was dating in distress over what to get me. They didn’t want to go too cheap in fear of looking like they don’t care, or too expensive in fear of making me feel bad. You don’t need to impress me, just get me something I enjoy, it doesn’t even have to cost money. From the heart!”
14. “That your partner will just “get it” without you saying anything. No. You do have to say it. Say it every time you think that you want them to do The Thing/Not Go Out/ whatever it is. Nag. Say out loud to them what you want. They can not and will not ever be able to read your mind, and you sitting silently sad on the couch is not a thing that they will understand that they had any control over. TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT. EVERY SINGLE TIME.”
15. “Jealousy….like you have to accept that each other has most likely had people in their lives before. They’ve had good/bad experiences, etc. To get to know the person (eventually), bits of the past, regardless of how it’s portrayed, is going to come out. Also, the whole movie star jealousy thing seems old. Like, let your partner share their thoughts?! Having them suppressed is worse.”
16. “The expectation that you will just meet someone perfect for you despite not putting any time or effort into meeting new people. I have a few single friends who just seem to think a partner will fall into their laps one day and they don’t need to do any of the pursuing.”
Read more: 20 People Reveal The Dumbest Excuses Their Partner Gave For Cheating.
