You never know, when a bedroom fantasy ends in disaster. Like, what if your partner says the most abysmal thing during sex or you’re enjoying the moment when something accidentally falls on your head and you’re writhing in pain (oh! that happens, you’ll know soon)?
A question by u/dina97667 on the popular r/AskReddit community is flooded with real-life accounts of worst sex stories. There are people who think too much about themselves, and then there are bedroom accidents that are outright scary. Take a look:
1. “I didn’t realize I had an ovarian cyst until I started fucking my boyfriend and it popped. I screamed bloody murder and fell down spasming in pain. He freaked out and kept asking what was wrong and if he should take me to the hospital. I could barely breathe but I tried gasping, ‘no, just wait.'”
2. “When the f***ing cat scratched my butt midway.”
3. “He kept calling it his ‘demon dick’ and wasn’t all that good at it? Like he just Jack hammered into me and then would ask if I came lol. At one point he meowed and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.”
4. “I got a bit of a runny nose. One evening, my girlfriend and i were going at it, I was on top, and the sniffles kicked in.. It isn’t normally a problem, as I’d only have to sniffle every once in a while, so we continued. But I noticed that I had to do it really frequently, and I was thinking to myself, ‘why is this running so much?’ Then she felt something dripping on her, and she started shouting, ‘what the fuck was that?'”
5. “Me and my wife, both tipsy. There was a cabinet beside our bed and on top was a 10 x 10 plaque in memory of her dad, who had passed a month or so prior. I almost lost my balance and grabbed the cabinet for support. Que the plaque falling and hitting her right in the head, neither of us could drive so I had to call for a ride to get her head stitched up. That stayed not funny for a pretty long time.”
6. “A few strokes into a VERY casual hookup, she says, ‘what if I get pregnant?’. I literally shriveled out of her.
7. “When I came, I tensed so hard that my muscle contractions dislodged a kidney stone from my kidney wall which plugged my kidney at my ureter (tube from kidney to bladder). This led to 3 operations over the course of 11 days to include 4 days in the hospital and 2 separate ER trips.”
8. “The one time all I could think of was eating a Big mac-burger with fries. Had to call it and blame on calf cramps. It was weird cutting it short but I couldn’t keep on.”
9. “The first guy I ever slept with at 18 who thought he was some sort of sex god. I look back on what I accepted for so long and pity my younger self.”
10. “I think this is the worst because it was the scariest. A couple nights after I lost my virginity I went back for more, so she gets me to sneak into house and we do our thing and I hear loud bangs on the door from her dad screaming ‘QUIT THAT WRESTLING I’VE GOT WORK IN THE MORNING!’ He thought I was one her siblings. Thank god he didn’t open that door.”
11. “My first encounter ended up being in the back of a friend’s van in the dead of night in January, not long after they had backed into a pole and shattered their rear windscreen. It was cold and dark; I fumbled with the condom and was totally paranoid that we’d be caught. Suffice to say, the mood was ruined.”
12. “The guy was just… not great. A hook up, hadn’t bathed that day, gave up when he got too winded after a couple of minutes, called his penis his ‘little guy’. It was libido killing all around.”
13. “My wife accidentally rammed her fingernail into my eye during the deed, damaging the cornea (a piece was hanging off).
Finishing was a mofo and then off to the doc.”
14. “He generally thought he was all that, basically God’s gift to women, a sex machine extraordinaire. He was not. Zero foreplay, literally zero. Basically, 2 minutes of rabbit sex, done. There wasn’t even enough time to fake it.”
Well, well, well, new fears unlocked?