If you observe closely, 'sanitary' has the word 'sanity' in it. Coincidence? I think not.
Therefore, sanitary pads should be called 'sanity' pads; especially after you've tried the menstrual cup and that tubular little thing called tampon! Phew!
Yes, after trying tampons and menstrual cups and constantly cringing at a live Carrie fest happening right before my eyes, I realised:
Once a pad woman, always a pad woman (See what I did there?).
No offence to all other menstrual products; but, I genuinely feel that they drive you kinda crazy.
Hence, sanitary pads to restore my sanity.
And we all know how important sanity is when we're menstruating, right?
Pads are like grown up versions of nappies and we all know that you will always be 'Nappy mein bhi happy', right?
But, that's not the whole story, obviously. So, let's get serious.
Pads are uncomplicated.
Have you tried reading the instructions to wearing tampons or menstrual cups?
There's a reason why they come with a legit video tutorial - IT'S DIFFICULT!
They're high maintenance as fuck.
And as a small town Indian girl who has just gone with the flow every single time - pun intended - you do get why tampons are a lot like 'Gone with the wind' - an affair I'd prefer to read about rather than have first hand. Period.
And then, there's that dreaded walk that makes me look like I've had sex... WHEN I HAVEN'T!
(... which makes it worse...)
You know, like when you have a tampon stuck up your hoo-haa or when your cup is too full and it's time to change so you walk awkward? Yep, that.
Wearing a tampon or a menstrual cup can go horribly wrong.
Unlike with pads, there is a wrong way - more than one actually - to wearing it. Seriously, Google wearing tampon/menstrual cup for the first time, articles about 'common mistakes' pop up more often than not.
Do I want to be held accountable for yet another mistake I made in my life? Sorry, Cosmo but, no can do.
I'm still drinking over my previous life mistakes; I can't let my menstrual product be another one of them!
Nothing can take blood like pads can.
To start with, there are different kinds of tampons depending on the kind of flow you're having. And you have to buy 3 different kinds! Then with the menstrual cup - as the name suggests - it IS going to fill up at some point.
And here's the thing about my period - it's an unpredictable little sucker (that I love dearly and want to keep seeing every month) that will be here today, gone tomorrow and back the next day ready to go all Niagara Waterfalls on me.
So, if I'm expected to predict what tampon I'm going to need on Day 3 of my period, or when to change my cup, I'm going to end up looking like Stephen King's Carrie!
Not a good sight for civilization.
Pads are like the backup plan I wish I had for my life.
I put on one maxi pad, and I'm sorted. If at all I bleed like I'm going to dry out, I'll feel wetter than a baby who just pooped its own pants.
And that's my cue - go change.
I don't need a firsthand manual to put them on. I just needed to observe a baby in diapers for once in my life. And I'm sorted.
They feel kinda cushiony...
Is it just me who thinks pads are like the soft little blankies her va-jay-jay needs when she's bleeding?
*Leona Lewis' Bleeding Love playing in my head while my vagina sobs*
Pads don't leave you high and dry... a.k.a horny
Dear Tampon, What makes you think I want you to be up inside my vagina instead of an actual person? Especially on my period?!
Bad enough when we're menstruating, we any which ways feel incredibly horny. You want me to stick something up my vagina to make things worse for me in the middle of the day?
And sure, the regular pad available at the local drug store isn't good for the environment. But, even if I end up buying the eco-friendly pads, they're still a lot less expensive and way easier to use than tampons and menstrual cups.
So, yes, as 'modern, efficient and easy to use' that some women proclaim tampons and menstrual cups to be, I'd still prefer my sanitary pads any day.
I can always wear it right before my period starts - because I have a tiny inkling.
I can keep it on when the flow is light without worrying about abrasions.
My vagina honestly feels comfier than it would while wearing a cup or a tubular thing.
Plus, they keep my horny levels balanced out.
AND I can get a veggie without worrying that my tampon has entirely disappeared up inside my body!
Go ahead and call them adult nappies all you want; I'm rooting for pads till I hit menopause!