The other day, I met X for lunch and instantly knew she had something on her mind. Work troubles, I asked. A furtive ‘no’ was her only response. Soon, as the Bellinis flowed, she started opening up. Apparently, contrary to what the world thought of their relationship, X and Y had been having major troubles for a while. They’d put up love-locked appearances, gush over each other on social media and always be the ‘perfect’ couple they were supposed to be. But inside, away from those glaring stares, they were unhappy. Deeply, majorly unhappy. 

“It’s not like we don’t love each other. But when we make love, it’s bad. Really, really bad!“

The lack of sex is what drives people away from each other. Or at least, that’s what pop culture would have us believe. But in the modern-day world, it’s bad sex that’s slowly killing otherwise perfect relationships. 

It’s not just about having sex anymore. If it isn’t great, mind-blasting sex, there’s no point in having it at all!

A decade ago, sex was still a novelty. 

Our society wasn’t as receptive of people meeting each other at bars and restaurants. Interactions outside of perceived social norms though prevalent, weren’t exactly encouraged. And of course, there wasn’t any Tinder. Basically, sex wasn’t a daily occurrence in the life of an average Indian. There was masturbation, porn and a lot of fantasizing. But there wasn’t much of sex! 

But now, things have changed. 

We’re getting it on more often than we’ve ever done. Sex is no longer a taboo and casual hook-ups are almost a norm. Thanks to Tinder, a whole new world of possibilities has opened up. You don’t have to have a legit relationship to have sex.

So when two rather experienced people make a couple, sex comes with expectations. They’ve been there, done that. Anything vanilla is off the table and you’ve got to bring out the master moves. And as it mostly happens in such situations, disappointment is right around the corner. And so is boredom. 

If they were married, maybe a couple would consider sex therapy or counselling. But who’s got so much time and patience to invest in just a relationship, right? Hence the dire state of modern relationships – dysfunctional, defunct and devastated! 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there’s no denying that break-ups thanks to bad sex are more common than you’d like to believe. 

You can be in love, totally compatible, almost perfect together but if there’s not enough chemistry between the sheets, it’s time to move along. No social-media obsessed, wanderlust-driven, party-loving man or woman of today likes it basic and bland. 

As Toronto-based sex therapist Marion Goetrz puts it, “there is an oft-repeated saying in the realm of sex therapy that when sex is satisfactory it is an important component of a relationship — adding about 20 percent to the overall positive experience of the relationship. However, when sex isn’t going well, it registers a negative impact of up to 70 percent on the experience for the individuals.“

The biggest of love stories are falling apart in bed!

It ain’t uncommon to find otherwise committed folks looking for a night of wild sex, to satiate their kinks that their partners wouldn’t help with. They’re at bars, on Tinder, in your office and amidst your social circle. They have great careers and take spectacular holidays. They’re committed, in love and getting regularly laid. On the outside, they’re leading extremely fulfilled lives. But if you were to catch ’em alone and preferably drunk, they’d spill out all the secrets of nights wasted having bad sex! 

Hence, they either cheat or break-up. Or, get into open relationships, the newest fad in modern India! 

In such a scenario, what qualifies as ‘great sex’, you’d wonder? Frankly, my dear, neither some sex therapist nor I can define it for you. Just like their individuality, every single person has their own definition of high-quality sex. 

Basically, sex is a two-way street, an act where both the bodies have to be equally satisfied. Want to know if your partner enjoyed it as much as you? Talk about it. Ask questions. Sort out the confusion. Open up!

At a time when long-term commitment is in serious jeopardy and couples rarely going a long way, it’s imperative to not ignore the importance of sex. You could be the two most compatible humans on Earth but if your sex life is as bland as an egg white omelette, you’ve got some serious trouble coming your way! 

My friends X and Y are now in an open relationship. They’ve chosen to stick together, just not in bed. It gives them a chance to explore their respective fantasies, have some fun and yet not be emotionally messed up. 

Love in today’s times isn’t the only thing that glues a couple together. Sex is important. Very, very important. Anything less than fabulous just won’t work! 

The next time you get an orgasm, make sure to check if your significant other faked it or not. When sex becomes an act, it doesn’t take too long for the curtains to roll down!