This one is for all you millennials who find themselves clueless about life, almost every other week.
In fact, I can't quite blame you, given the complications of love, the fierce competition in your respective careers and the never-ending gareebi. Thanks to all this, one is bound to crumble under pressure!
To top it all, we also have to battle the incessant pressure of social media to stay relevant. Knowing what others are doing and telling people what you ate last night are very integral activities in the life of a millennial, after all!
These might not look like problems to your parents, given that you drive to work while they took the bus, back in the day. And to be honest, friendships are superficial in this day and age. Except for two or three people (and god forbid if they're busy!), there ain't nobody who'd listen to your sob story.
So, what do we do? Worry not. We've got you covered!
The three magical words are: sleep, food, alcohol. And in this very order.
You must be extremely worked up, if you still haven't realized that this article will teach you to fight your own battles. Okay, not fight, but maybe flick 'em away for a while.
So, let's begin with sleep.
I believe that the benefits of sleeping are underrated. If you are bestowed with the magical powers of dosing off at your will, consider yourself to be a part of a lucky few. Switching off automatically gives you the immense power to transport into a world far away from the gareeb land that your life turns into by the end of every month.
And once you've perfected the art of switching off effortlessly, you will realize that things ain't all that tough in a dreamworld where clouds are made of candy, you drive a Ferrari and Dharma is killing to sign you for their next film opposite Shah Rukh Khan!
But if we increase the intensity of our 'millennial' problems to the next level, sleeping isn't the easiest activity to execute.
Then, my friends, we turn to the glory of food.
Get yourself a big slice of pizza with cheese that stretches over a kilometer to put a temporary end to your problems. Unless of course your problems stretch over a kilometer, then make sure your order a cheese burst, so that you can drown yourself in cheese while trying to keep up with the stretchy mozzarella.
Not only will your problems dissolve in that cheesy pizza slice, you'll find yourself tripping on how amazing it was even after it's over.
Even Julia Roberts agrees!
And now, for those who can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel at all, we have for you, alcohol - one word, infinite emotions!
They don't say drink away your sorrows for nothing. We obviously are not telling you to turn to alcohol full-time and face damage beyond repair. But a drunken night, once in a while, is just the best.
What sleep and food can't do, alcohol does. It sets your free for the night (or day, to each their own) and you're ready to dance off your woes. You reach home and pass out, unless of course you meet someone and are single who's ready to mingle. Alcohol opens up a whole lot of new possibilities in your otherwise problematic life.
Wine or whiskey, whatever might be your poison, after a drink, you take life on a ride and not the other way around!
Now say it with me,
Sleep, eat, drink and repeat to smack 'em troubles in the face.
For everything else, you can refer to some other self-help website. Because we don't do that shit!
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's own and do not reflect those of ScoopWhoop.