From what we've been told, the sole purpose of sex is to achieve that elusive mind-blowing orgasm. Everything boils down to the act's end result.
However, sex is so much more than the orgasm it gives you.
A perfect way to connect with your partner on a deeper level than usual, this aspect of sex is often overlooked by modern society.
Hence the need for tantric sex!
Tantric is the Sanskrit word for woven together and tantric sex aims to 'interwove' the two partners not just physically but also, emotionally and spiritually, as a result, making them one with God.
Thanks to pop culture, tantric sex has been reduced to the practice of slow-motion lovemaking when it is so, so much more than that.
As Mark Micheals & Patricia Johnson, authors of Great Sex Made Simple: Tantric Tips To Deepen Intimacy And Heighten Pleasure put it, tantric sex is more about the mind than the body.
In the classical sexual ritual, the participants worship each other as embodiments of deities. We encourage people to bring an attitude of reverence into their lovemaking and to all their interactions. The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique. It's certainly got nothing to do with bragging about staying power.
Though, yes, with tantric sex you do feel the pleasure for a much longer time.
Or, as Mark & Patricia put it, prolonged lovemaking is part of the tradition.
If you extend arousal and focus on building it (this need not include genital intercourse), you may start to feel this sense of union well before you have an orgasm, and it is likely to last far longer than it would in more conventional lovemaking. So making it last is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you can stay turned on for a half hour or so, you're likely to experience the altered state of consciousness.
To practice tantric sex, here's a 5-step guide you can follow:
1. Focus on each other's breathing
Basically, sync your inhales and exhales with each other. This'll help you notice each other's responses better, leading to a better sexual experience.
2. Talk about your desires
The conversation should aim to break taboos and actually share each other's thoughts. No matter how wild your fantasy, the idea is to share it with your partner. This helps in syncing not just the bodies but also the minds.
3. Practice tantric kisses
As per Mark & Patricia, tantric kisses are a great way to explore your partner's body. They advise you to take your time kissing before jumping into the 'act'.
Take a couple of minutes and allow your partner to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. Then reverse roles. When you're kissing, see how fully you can give yourself over to the active role. When you're receiving, surrender to the experience completely.
4. Massage each other
Without having sex, massage your partner for 60 minutes or more and ask them to do the same to you. When your fingertips figure out pleasure points on your partner's body, it opens up erogenous zones, relieves stress and excites the mind.
5. Break a sexual taboo
As part of the final step, decide on a common sexual fetish and indulge in the same with consent.
The purpose is to become more flexible and aware and to be less limited by preconceived ideas about yourself. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of a lot of pleasure by thinking, 'I'm not the kind of person who would enjoy that.'
When practicing tantric sex, keep in mind the following tips:
1. Positions that involve the two of you facing each other work best since this practice is about maintaining eye contact.
2. Take it slow and don't try to forcibly rush things.
3. Sit on your partner's lap as often as possible. This invigorates the energy chakras!
4. It's just as fun to pleasure your partner as it is to get pleasured.
5. Pleasure is a journey and not a destination. Don't be impatient to climax!
Lastly, here's a pro tip courtesy Val Sampson, author of Tantra: The Art Of Mind Blowing Sex:
Slow your breathing down as you approach an orgasm. Most of us breathe more quickly as we feel ourselves peaking. Instead, if we relax our tummy, and take slow deep breaths, the orgasm will last longer and be more intense.
Here's to a better sexual experience!