People who expect ‘Shadi karli ab zindagi badaldo’ from women are probably the ones who’ve never really lived a second of their life to the fullest. They’ve just spent their time carrying forward the weathered notions of the past and now can’t bare to accept how messy most of them were!
So here’s what a woman shouldn’t have to give up after marriage. (consider this a reality check for delusionals)
1. Her surname. Why should she change it for anyone?
Just because you don’t have an identity of your own, you cannot force your wife to give up hers for your sake or your family’s. A woman changing or adding a surname after marriage should be a matter of choice and not a mandate from society. After all, it’s her name, her identity. Who is anybody to decide?
In my case after marriage a Pvt bank did not add my name to husband’s account because I wanted to keep maiden name. While at PSU bank lady asked only once, confirmed and never had problem. Pvt bank changed my name on his own in a loan application!— Neha Thakur (@neha217) September 25, 2021
Even when couples are cool, toxic landlords from oh-so-cool society come in between!
Husband added my maiden name to his passport, even I got passport, DL, pan card renewed but landlords were more skeptical!! Finally changed the name for peace of mind.— Neha Thakur (@neha217) September 25, 2021
2. Her career. For what and for whom?
Hold on a sec! Do you really expect a woman to give up on her career to deal with husband tantrums or toxic in-laws who essentially treat her like an unpaid intern? Being a homemaker is not easy, and it’s completely cool (IF IT COMES FROM A PERSONAL CHOICE). You’re legit nobody to ask a woman to sacrifice her career only because she’s married.
3. Her friends. (Both men and women)
Stop viewing friendships between a man and a woman with your distorted mindset. Perhaps, nobody wants to be friends with the husband because of his regressive ideologies but spare women from your sh*ty mentality. A woman shouldn’t have to stop being friends with ANYBODY after marriage.
4. Her dressing style just because she doesn’t ‘look’ married to you.
She has entered a wedlock and not a fancy dress. Stop expecting a woman to wear certain clothing and accessories that you think ‘suits’ an ‘ideal wife.’ A person’s way of dressing is very subjective and personal. Let it be that way and stop asking her to wear clothing because she doesn’t ‘look married enough‘ to you. Who are you?
5. Her food & drinking habits.
If a woman enjoys alcohol, what’s tingling you? Or wait a sec! Are you one of those hypocrites who think they can get drunk in public but have severe issues with their wives enjoying drinks? Guess what? Nobody wants your permission and nobody wants to marry a man with such issues in life.
6. Her personal space. (Me time >>> family time)
Shadi is not a lifetime declaration from a woman giving up on her life. Her personal space is as important as it was before. (in fact, even more) You cannot simply expect a woman to modify her boundaries to appease you or your family. So tham jao, chill karo, aur karne do! (altho she doesn’t need your permission to chill)
After living and sleeping on my own for my whole life I find it wild that when I get into a live-in relationship or marriage that I am expected to sacrifice my personal space and accommodate everything overnight. I will have a separate bedroom. https://t.co/dNvLdPcwzD— Pancake 🥞 (@AnnieBecky) September 16, 2020
7. Her commitments outside of marriage.
Marriage is a part of life and not the entire life. So putting the burden of compromising personal and professional commitments on the woman is a ludicrous idea. And also, outright sexist!
If you’re a working woman and about to get married, my advice is NOT to quit job otherwise you’ll go insane doing the unrewarding, run-of-the-mill and uneding house chores all the time.— Baji Please (@BajiPlease) July 18, 2021
8. Her sense of independence.
Why should a woman alter her sense of independence just because she is married? She’s an adult who doesn’t need permission from anybody — I repeat, LITERALLY ANYBODY — for anything. She can go on trips, hang out with her buddies, work, chill, relax, shop, and do anything whenever she wants.
9. And literally, not even one bit about herself!
Why are you expecting a woman to change herself when you don’t expect that from a man? Stop holding a man and a woman on different pedestals in a marriage. It’s a partnership between two equals. No one’s superior. So nobody has to change themselves one bit just because they’re married and society wants them to behave differently.
We’re tired to see our so-called progressive society still hearkening upon regressive ideologies in the name of morality. The burden of conservatism is your own making. You don’t have to project the same on a married woman just because you don’t have a life!