It’s a common practice in many desi households for women to eat after everyone else has finished their meal. But is it a healthy practice?
And I wish that the sole reason for it was their love for us, but women, in general, are conditioned to think about their loved ones before themselves.
People say ‘Ladies first’— Anshika Malik (@malikanshika43) June 11, 2022
But my mom eats at last
Here’s how some people responded to Anshika’s tweet. Some acknowledged just how dismissive and patriarchal the norm is, while others discussed how they make sure their mother never eats alone. Which, by the way, was both endearing and a relief to read!
That has been a tradition in our culture which needs to be changed.— Vishwas Sambhus (@SambhusVishwas) June 12, 2022
We always eat together. Sometimes us kids eat earlier but my parents always eat together. They wait for each other. 🤷🏻— Satwik Gawand 🦄 (@satwikgawand) June 12, 2022
Not just food, my parents drink their morning and evening coffee/tea together as well. pic.twitter.com/DUn7h5noGC
It has to change.— Nila (@Nila_Dr) June 12, 2022
This is the sad truth babout our Indian Society where goddesses are worshiped in idols but the real goddess is deprived of their respect , i.e. our mom , sister , wife ,etc— AAYUSHPANDAY (@Samael_Reborn) June 12, 2022
I don’t remember if this has happened in my house.— Akash (@Aeroguyyy) June 11, 2022
Either she eats with us or no one’s having..we wait:)
It is a kind of slavery practice in home itself. Not allowing Indian wives to eat before husband and not sitting with husband. the irony is they cook food and eat last. They call it culture?😺— Jagan A (@j_ajagan) June 12, 2022
You are also woman why did you never asked your mom to sit with you and eat? 🤔
I too wait for my wife to join us. She says, you start I will join. By the time she joins us, i would have finished. So, now insisting her to sit first.— Hanees Mohammed (@Hanees) June 12, 2022
I wait for my mother , we always eat together 🙂— Abhay (@abhayahuja4) June 12, 2022
Plus, no one would know whether she ate or not— 🇮🇳Ritu Jain🇮🇳 (@RituJaz81) June 13, 2022
We changed it. Now I and my sister eat last or if she cannot eat first when some guests arrive then we accompany her, she never eats alone and last when there are people at home 🙂— Swapnil 💫 (@swapnildecodes) June 12, 2022
After so many argument and all, i am able to make her eat on time and not to wait for anyone.😇😇— Indian🇮🇳 (@indian_1004) June 12, 2022
Wish mothers cared for themselves as much as they do for others— Anushree Acharya 🌊 (@captainempath) June 12, 2022
In my case i never let that happen nor my other family members. You gotta volunteer sometimes— ordinary bloke (@abhisharma24798) June 12, 2022
Tumaye ghar me patriarchy pasri hui hai.— Amogh Balak (@AmoghBalak) June 12, 2022
Ghar ghar ki yahhi kahani— Bhakt (@vvekx) June 12, 2022
But unfortunately, some people justified the practice and even dismissed how problematic it is by asking Anshika why she was discussing this publicly!
It seems as though, either people were excusing how inconsiderate the norm is by glorifying mothers and their self-sacrificial nature or they were shutting the original tweet down by telling Malik that she should change the norm in her own home, rather than discuss it on Twitter.
u would like to believe it's due to some patriarchal oppression against woman.. but the fact is it's mothers love and affection towards her family, this behaviour can be found across all life form..— Proxy Bhakt (@proxy_bhakt) June 12, 2022
This person right here went all out and justified how flawed gender roles are.
Exactly! As if our father/ GF generation were misogynistic monsters and we are the enlightened ones who have started giving respect to women.— Hanu Dutt Sharma (@hdS_29) June 12, 2022
These was simply the trends in those days. Men go out, work, women handle family. These trends keep on changing with time
And you good sir are clearly confused between selflessness and being self-sacrificial. One is based in generosity, the other is about giving to others at your own detriment. Why is it that women are expected to hurt themselves or compromise their wellbeing for others?
So what? Why there needs to be a woman angle in everything? Kaunsa nuksan ho gaya aakhir m kha liya to bhai? Why is it acceptable these days that a woman can be giving and unselfish? God this Toxic Feminism!— Runk (@princr771) June 12, 2022
what should we do about this she is your mom have food with her don't put it on twitter.— Ajeet Kumar (@ajeet0_0) June 12, 2022
Madam be happy this is India and not Pakistan. Twitter bhi darr darr ke chalana padta phir— Tiwari_ke_tewar (@VarunTiwari1000) June 12, 2022
“We are born of love; Love is our mother.” “When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth.” “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.”— Abhinav (@AxyAsura) June 12, 2022
That’s what she’s been trained n tutored about, even in my family ladies eat after all children n male finish their meals, they have all learned from their own mother so barely whine or wail about as current generation does!!— Advocate Arvind Kushwaha (@Arvind40091148) June 12, 2022
Is it a woman’s motherly instincts to feed the people around her before she sits down for a meal, OR is it years and years worth of conditioning women have undergone to always cater to the people around them?
We are not comparing apple to apple here. Take her out to a restaurant and she would be the first to order and be served. At home her motherly instincts wants to ensure that everyone has eaten well, and the food hasn’t fallen short.— Johnny Gorkha (@RakeshG1109) June 13, 2022
Deep, I have seen that myself in almost all the households, and even if we insist mother's to eat before ,they refuse. I think it's the soft and caring trait of women that stops her to eat before in order to avoid scarcity of food to the last person eating. Mother's are Great🙌— Rohit Agrawal (@rohitagrawal_18) June 12, 2022
Because she’s tired, she just cooked your food wtf you expect? She needs some time to breath and chill. If someone is younger like my sister the one who cooked. Everyone will be eating together. TF??!!— hehe20201 (@AntiWahabi2022) June 12, 2022
That’s what she thinks— Vaibhav (@VaIbHaV021165) June 12, 2022
(Mom) Ladies First wants to feed others
If she does willingly out of care and affection it’s good for her. You should learn from her.— Prakash Wankhede (@dhammikh) June 12, 2022
This tweet reminds me of how so many of us have also been told to keep the dysfunction and abuse going on in our families and households to ourselves.
You should ask this to your dad and yourself then asking here— Ashutosh Singh (@mr_ashu_singh) June 12, 2022
That’s ur problem..u should change that…— Pushpak #pm🗨 (@pushpak0890) June 12, 2022
Change that rather tweeting then— Bong Rip (@BongRip69b) June 12, 2022
Annapurna …. Pratham bhog kaise laga sakte hain … soche— girish (@joshi_captain) June 13, 2022
Toh isme people kya kre? Ye toh aapke ghar ki problem hui na?— Shubham Kumar (@TheShubhamKr_) June 12, 2022
To apne ghar m badlav kro yahan tweet krke kya hoga— Sheirsh Saxena (@SaxenaSheirsh) June 12, 2022
But what about our mothers’ appetites? What about their health?