*Drum rolls* 

Here are some instances of these men at their peak behavior.  

1. Guys who have a personal problem with a woman dancing at her own wedding. Because why should she?

Oh wow! How could a woman be happy and dance on what possibly is the happiest day of her life? Where’s her lajja and sanskar. Men can perform gaudy ‘Naagin dance’ in public, but a woman cannot dance with grace in front of relatives, strangers, or anybody on earth. A woman cannot have fun. This is blasphemous! Also, who cares about women’s happiness anyway?  

Not this guy, duh! For that to happen, he would have to consider her a person. And you can’t do that if no woman has ever spoken to you, can you? Or perhaps, he doesn’t know any woman apart from his mother. 

2. Guys who find it very problematic that Anushka is seen with Virat. Because why should she hang around with her spouse? It doesn’t make any sense.

Why does Virat hang out with the woman he loves? Isn’t Virat’s only responsibility to score a century? Doesn’t Virat fail to make runs because of Anushka, his wife, a woman? Women only distract men. Their fault is that they exist. Right?  

Or perhaps, these guys have never really felt what it’s like to be loved by somebody other than their mothers. More so because it’s just too difficult to get love from ‘Others’ inbox of random women.

3. Guys who took offense when Ira Khan uploaded pictures of her birthday celebrations with her dad, Amir Khan, in a bikini. How dare a woman feel comfortable around the men in her life?

Is this our culture? Our Sanskriti? How is Amir Khan okay? 

Well, you will never be able to process it because you view women to be nothing more than sexual objects. You have a problem if we wear hijaab, you have a problem if we wear bikinis. Should we call you before the next Myntra end of season sale? I am just kidding. Your number’s perpetually blocked.

4. Guys who want to go on marriage strike if marital rape ever becomes criminal. Because ‘Shaadi ke baad toh sex banta hi hai na.’

What is consent anyway? Isn’t the divine marriage a big enough license for a lifetime of sex? This guy, and the likes of him, will sit on a marriage strike if marital rape is criminalized. 

5. Aww, look at these little petty men, whose d*ks fall off just because a woman journalist does her job.

It’s okay. You were never gonna be able to use it anyway because what woman would help you there.

Rana Ayyub, and so many women like her, receive such horrendous messages every day. These men consider opinionated women ‘bimbos.’ They think successful women sucked d*cks to rise in their careers. Imagine women doing that because it’s something you can never experience.

6. Guys who thought it was obscene of Mandira Bedi to disregard ‘customs’ at her husband’s funeral.

Why isn’t a woman shuffling through her wardrobe to wear an appropriate dress when her husband has just passed? Why is a woman carrying out her husband’s last rites? Why doesn’t she look sad enough? 

Of course, if you have ever loved anyone or have been loved by someone, you would know that if your loved one passes away, life becomes an endless series of torment and uncertainty as grief consumes you. But since you have never been loved, you will probably take a change of clothes.  

7. Guys who write their colorful sexual desires on Disha Patani’s pictures on Instagram

Why they do so is honestly beyond me? It’s not like you are moral policing them either. That kind of stupidity is gross, make no mistake. But what repressed places does this come from? This is just weird. It’s like posting your number on actress’ photos and asking them to what’s app you. Like, what do you think is gonna happen? Disha Patani will scroll though thousands of comments and be like, ‘Yeah, this Sonu seems like a fun guy, maybe I will go out with him.’

Ahh! Just stop watching so much porn. Ab to VPN bhi nahi chalne wala! 

8. People who share that ‘Amber Heard – my dog stepped on a bee’ meme.

It’s like every a**hole that has ever done something shady and had been residing in fear of #MeToo has suddenly been resurrected through this highly misogynistic public trial and shaming of Amber Heard. They’re now using this infamous trial as an excuse to undermine sexual assault victims. 

Well TBH, you probably will be loved, but your partner will be poorer for it

9. Guys who think women don’t look natural with make up on?

Aww, the little baby didn’t recognize me without makeup? Tell me baby boi, did you really think I had green eyelashes? What the f*ck am I? Shrek? Aren’t you the hypocrite who actually hates women who look natural? Because when we forget to apply eyeliners, you ask us if we are feeling sick. You just like to see us using enough make-up to not titillate your fantasies. Speaking of which, another woman who will be willing to explain this much to you is also a fantasy.

10. Men who complain about women overreacting during their periods

If you ever loved a woman, you should be able to empathize with the fact that their bodies are leaking flesh and fluid for a week every month. So forgive us Lord if we ever get pissed at you for being such a cranky baby. But it’s okay. At least our bodies will stop the periods some day, but you will never know a woman’s lou!

So, how was the reality check? Such absurd men with their nauseating mindsets exist to pollute our society. If not anything else, they’re truly pitiable!