Have you even noticed how much criticism women get for speaking in the same way as men? Let’s just take a very desi example for this; in our culture, boys using cuss words is usually more acceptable than girls using cuss words. I smell hypocrisy.
In the thread, a tech professional by the name of Janneke Parrish has shared how she got fired for asking a male colleague to stop interrupting her while she was speaking.
I lost my job because I spoke to a man the way men speak to me.
— Janneke Parrish (@JannekeParrish) July 20, 2022
This is why women leave the tech industry.
A couple weeks ago, a male colleague made changes to a project I was running while I was offline that dramatically impacted the scope and timelines. I asked to talk to him to understand why and how we could set up a way to solve issues in the future.
— Janneke Parrish (@JannekeParrish) July 20, 2022
During the meeting, he kept interrupting me and cutting me off. I wasn’t getting anywhere, so I just started talking, politely telling him to “please let me finish” every time he tried to jump in. I said my piece, then let him talk.
— Janneke Parrish (@JannekeParrish) July 20, 2022
On Monday, I got called into a meeting with HR, where I was told I had been incredibly rude, that my communication skills were abysmal, and I was being fired.
— Janneke Parrish (@JannekeParrish) July 20, 2022
I was fired because I wouldn’t let a man talk over me. This is what it’s like to be a woman in the tech industry. It’s brutal and it’s toxic, and it’s where your gender determines your fate before you ever have a chance.
— Janneke Parrish (@JannekeParrish) July 20, 2022
Many women came forward to share similar experiences; where women are critiqued for speaking in the same tone or with the same language as men do in professional spaces.
I’m angry that this happened. I’m not sorry for you because you didn’t do anything wrong, you’re obviously qualified and highly competent, and don’t need my pity. I am sorry that as a society we still can’t value women’s work, intelligence and that men handle themselves so poorly
— Circa1971Vintage (@Circa1971V) July 21, 2022
I was told I had a “temperament” for being assertive in meetings.
— Georgia N. (fiercekittenz) (@fiercekittenz) July 21, 2022
When male clients msg me using abrupt/condescending language, I mirror their tone in my reply. I’ve been told to “be friendlier in your emails” by colleagues, which infuriates me no end. Women are expected to dot their i with little hearts (not literally) but men can be shitty.
— tamara m (@tamara_mbz) July 21, 2022
I was once reprimanded because a male customer said I’d been “blunt and condescending” to him. I was on a 9 hour job shift, and simply answered his question + follow up comment with facts, explained clearly. He didn’t like me talking to him that way. Expected smiles + giggles.
— Clare 🦇 (@clarelusher) July 21, 2022
Apologies if I’m misunderstanding your position here, but are you suggesting that asking someone not to interrupt you is akin to lecturing them? I’ve always viewed “don’t interrupt people” as pretty basic communication etiquette not just in a professional setting, but in general
— Kiersten (she/her) (@bookshelfblooms) July 21, 2022
This happened to me once and I’ve watched it happen to other women. We are not equal, although there have been moments when I began to hope. But if you act as though you’re equal, you get hammered.
— dilutz (@lutzdi) July 21, 2022
Was he your senior?
— John Today John Tomorrow (@kiddakowalski) July 21, 2022
Was the project failing and needed to be charged to meet a business demand?
Was a disciplinary process followed before sacking?
If these are all no then this behaviour is not only unacceptable it is unethical & illegal. You should see a solicitor.
It’s so frustrating. I earned a BS, a MS, and a professional engineering license, along with 20 years experience in the engineering industry – and constantly fought to be heard. I finally became something they fear: an attorney. 😈. They listen a lot better now. 😉
— Penquins R Us (@serena2825s) July 21, 2022
I often think how much it sucks to be told to “learn to stick up for myself” but when I do, I’m told I’m difficult, mean, sensitive, “it’s not a big deal”, or even called a slur. It sucks and it’s never fair. To lose your job over it? I can’t even imagine..
— QW Jessie (@qw_jessie) July 21, 2022
These comments by two Twitter users offer really great insight into how unsafe most environments are for women. It’s difficult to stand up and call these sort of organizations out because women simply don’t have the support that they require, yet.
As soon as it’s safe for people to do that. Right now it’s not.
— Bubs (@Jenfeds73) July 21, 2022
You know. I slammed the door on his face and got ready, told my supervisor and went to the base. Next Monday I get called into the office. I got yelled at for slamming a door in the guys face, possibly hurting him?! He’s a drywaller. They need him more, so I’m fired!
— YB Normal (@Tiggredcat) July 21, 2022
9 of my last 10 managers were middle aged white men. Things will never get better until there are more female leaders.
— Donna 🌻☮️🌊🌈 (@DonnaJHamilton) July 21, 2022
I got censured for talking to much in meetings.
— Gyrfalcon stands with Ukraine (@gyrfalc63587709) July 21, 2022
FYI, I was the project manager and thus the facilitator. Hard to facilitate without talking.
And, all I typically did was ask a question and then sit there while people talked.
Start filing complaints with HR on these guys. Sexual discrimination can get real ugly for these companies and most will bend over backwards for you so it doesn’t go to court. Also, your state Labor Board can help stop this. Contact them too.
— Deb Johnson (@chadeoflv) July 21, 2022
At some point, I told him, publicly, to please stop engaging with me with his systematic mansplaining. I posted an image illustrating the concept. And was fired. I was the only woman teacher in my cohort. I was the only woman holding her own on their slack.
— widged (@widged) July 21, 2022
Sounds like you approached the issue with mature and skillful communication and he was in the wrong for making the changes in the first place.
— Jonathan (@dvduadotcom) July 21, 2022
These issues are not peculiar to the tech industry, it’s global, across varied sectors.
— The Radical Feminist (@Agwabuo) July 21, 2022
Male senior execs can throw tantrums during corporate meetings & everyone is fine abt it.
But, if a female exec raises her voice above the ‘norm’, they will convene 2 plan her removal.
I’ve only worked in industry (ems/healthcare) where people get away with being way worse than that. But yeah firing seems like a way overreaction to expressing concern and being interrupted and politely asking to finish especially when you can just be adults and work it out
— Just a Guy 🇺🇦 (@AlwaysAnonymo) July 21, 2022
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Please don't give up, there are good teams out there. Like few others have advised, screen companies to see if you want to work for them. Interviews are a two way street and there are a lot of bad teams and companies out there. Be picky
— David Mulligan (@d_r_mulligan) July 21, 2022
Agreed… as a guy who is soft spoken when I stand my ground verbally other men tend to just respond with loudness and aggression. And I’m in a predominately female-based industry (healthcare management) but yet management always seems to be male 🤔🙄
— クリス (@CAChorkey) July 21, 2022
You could be twice as qualified in your job but your male colleague’s words are still more valuable than yours.
— Goth 🔞 (@G0thii) July 21, 2022
The amount of women that have come forward and confessed being in similar situations in this thread is incredibly upsetting.
I work for a big tech firm, and what you described would not get you fired. Infact you would be protected and the male employee disciplined/coached. Big tech firms are usually very liberal.
— Bananaman (@beano_bananaman) July 21, 2022
There is either important context missing, or you have a valid dispute claim.
May not be a gender bias but the organisation culture as such. I have faced similar and my then managers conspired to hit back at me. For just doing my job diligently.
— Satish Iyer (@satishiyer) July 21, 2022
Forget about the man/women. If you talk to a boss how he/she talks to you.. you get fired. Has nothing to do with your sex.. but with the boss status
— Hielke (@rektbyhielke) July 21, 2022
I hate to burst your bubble but men also have to deal with condescending tones, abrupt tones, rude tones and assholes speaking down to them all the time.
— Bob Matthew (@BobMatthew1912) July 21, 2022
There’s nothing unique here, we just don’t lose our minds over it and get on with life.
It’s called equality.
Just hear us out! Women have to fight (unreasonably so) to be heard in order to have access to the same opportunities as men. And when we do get the same opportunities, we’re put right back into the toxic cycle of being unheard and misjudged for the way we communicate. Please stop.
