Dear China, We Noticed How You’re Fucking With Us But You Won’t Like It If We Do This To You

They say good neighbours are your first family. Of course, how would India know? For we as a nation have the distinct trauma privilege of having Pakistan and China as our padosi mulk.

Alas, once again we were betrayed by China. Once again, it was China who crushed India’s chances of joining the Nuclear Suppliers Group (NSG).

Why China, why?

India has always been so nice to you Mr. Xi Jinping!  

Remember how PM Modi had treated you to so many fun activities when you’d come to India the last time?

He even shared his favourite swing with you.

And did everything he could, to keep you entertained.

And yet, even after all this, you voted against us.

But now, enough is enough. We’re done being the nice guys.  

We’re warning you Mr. Jinping, the next time you backstab us, there’ll be consequences.

But don’t worry. We won’t resort to any violence. This is the land of Gandhi, after all. Hence, we’ll use some non-violent methods to do some real damage.  

Like taking your signature dishes, and ruining them forever.

Like really ruin it.

The damage will be irreversible.

We’ll also start producing better duplicates than you.

We’ll never tell you why we find this collaboration of yours with Pakistan so funny. Hehehehe!

We’ll re-hire this news anchor right before your next visit to India.

We’ll send Shakti Kapoor to your Shaolin temples to teach martial arts.

Warned, you’ve been. Consequences, there’ll be.