Glorious news indeed in this winter of our discontent a.k.a. demonetisation.
The Delhi Bharatiya Janata Party has decided it will give out one laddoo per family in Delhi to thank the aam aadmi for their patience during demonetisation. Inconvenience, as they say, is regretted. Please bear with us. Normal 500 rupee service will be resumed soon. Meanwhile have a laddoo.
Dear BJP, have you heard of the term Dilli ka laddoo? Those who eat it, regret it. Those who do not eat it, also regret it. And the BJP in its wisdom has decided to give out Dilli ka laddoos. Literally.
The deeper we get into the demonetisation rabbit hole, the more surreal it gets. When Narendra Modi first announced the great surgical strike on black money, some compared him to the 14th century Delhi Sultan, Muhammad bin Tuglaq, the one who replaced gold and silver coins with brass and copper token currency.
It was a good idea just as much as going after black money is a worthwhile idea. But he did not put adequate safety measures in place and the market was soon flooded with fake coins. In 1333, the use of token coins was ended at great cost to the treasury.
Well, it would be an exaggeration to say it feels like 1333, but a month after demonetisation it does feel a bit as if we are slowly slipping back in time, to a world where rationing was commonplace. Everything we knew is being redefined, or if you will, Modi-fied.
Here is the updated dictionary of our brave new demonetised world.
Updated: Aayega tab Milega, according to the Mamata Banerjee English-Bengali dictionary.
A kiosk on which to hang a sign saying No Cash.
A community gathering place where Indians can practice the familiar art of standing in line.
Usage: The Chawlas went to the ATM for their family picnic this year.
Updated: The gold standard upper limit for new gold possession regulations.
Usage: When we see Bappi Lahiri we think about gold regulations, not Disco Dancer.
Updated: Synonym for Dilli ka laddoo. Those who have too much must regret it. Those who have none also regret it.
Usage: Every ATM that says No Cash is fulfilling our dream of a cashless society.
Updated: Question asked hopefully while waving a Rs 2000 note
Usage: Change hoga? (while waving a Rs 2000 note). Usually answered in the negative.
Updated: A clarion call for behavioural change to usher in India Shining. Something to applaud and cheer.
Usage: (Demonetisation) is a part of the grand “cultural revolution” that the PM is working on – M Venkaiah Naidu.
Updated: A meaningless date announced by the government or the Reserve Bank of India which is only valid until the next announcement. A practical joke.
Usage: There is no rush. December 30 is the deadline to exchange your old currency notes. Hahahahahaha, sucker.
Updated: A surgical strike (see below) against counterterrorism. A surgical strike against black money hoarders. A surgical strike on a crime against humanity. A benevolent scheme to make Indians put “domestic savings lying idle at home” in banks to lower interest rates. The dream of a cashless society. A litmus test for patriotism.
Usage: Anyone who opposes demonetisation is a black money hoarder.
Updated: A laddoo from Delhi given out as a sweet nothing by BJP workers, one per household, to a grateful citizenry.
Usage: If they cannot have cash, let them have a Dilli ka laddoo. They will remember our sweet gesture when they vote.
Updated: The 100 rupee note is the new gold.
Usage: You will give me Rs 1000 in 100 rupee notes? That’s worth its weight in gold. Thank you thank you for not giving it to me in a bag of 10 rupee coins.
Updated: Demonetisation. This refers to the potent 56-inch patta brew, not the bitter aftertaste.
Usage: If they cannot have kadak cha, let them have a dilli ka laddoo (see above).
Updated: Nasbandi for anti-national elements.
Usage: However, some people are making fun of notebandi by terming it as 'nasbandi' (vasectomy). If we have cut anyone's 'nas', it is that of terrorists, Naxalites and people who hoard black money. - Rajnath Singh
Updated: Pay to Modi, according to the Rahul Gandhi dictionary. The new ATM, the new bank, the new status symbol of digital mobility, the new place to park our money and earn no interest on it. Using PayTM may soon become part of our Fundamental Duties. Salute flag. Stand up for national anthem in movie theatres. Do PayTM.
Usage: Even my chaiwalla now takes PayTM. (Unrelated to the Rahul Gandhi dictionary).
Updated: A line or sequence of people awaiting their turn to possibly get some of their own money.
Usage: It’s simple. No queue means no cash, short queue means only Rs 2000 notes, long queue means Rs 100 notes available.
Updated: Fixed amount of your own money sitting in your own bank account that you are allowed to access. Limit may vary daily.
Usage: How much of my money can I get today? Well of course you can withdraw Rs 24000. But today we can only give you Rs 6000. We are rationing. Anyway what do you need cash for?
Updated: What the poor of the nation do after demonetisation. Except for those farmers unable to buy seeds and fertiliser, the elderly pensioner standing in line hours before the bank opens, the poor domestic help in Delhi who has no bank account.
Usage: After demonetisation, the poor are enjoying a sound sleep while rich are running from pillar to post to buy sleeping pills - Narendra Modi.
Updated: Any action undertaken by the Prime Minister.
Usage: Demonetisation is a surgical strike and if you see collateral damage you are an unpatriotic scumbag who can stand in line for a new iPhone or a reality show but cannot spend a couple of hours for the good of the nation.
Updated: Any length of time as deemed necessary.
Usage: You gave them 70 years, please give me 50 days. What? My 50 days are up? But mitron, you gave them 70 years.
This dictionary is a work in progress. Please give us two weeks, sorry we mean 50 days, make that six months.
Disclaimer : The information, ideas or opinions appearing in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the views of ScoopWhoop.