She was broken beyond repair.
My friend called me in a state of panic, late one night. Her relationship with her boyfriend was over. He had called it off suddenly.
They’d been together for 2 years and the fact that they might end up together had been on everyone’s mind. We all though they'd end up together. Obviously, he thought otherwise.
Everything went downhill from there.
She stopped working. She cried all day, all night long. She’d ignore most of our calls and messages and rarely stepped out. She slowly turned herself into a depressed recluse, right in front of my eyes.
I felt so helpless. I’d go see her whenever I could, with the food she liked or a bottle of wine. But she didn’t have much of an appetite and seemed skinnier each time I met her.
She gained composure, eventually.
Though she started socializing, she wouldn’t meet guys. I tried to set her up a few times, but as they say, it's best to leave such stuff to destiny. And she wasn’t prepared for any kind of commitment anyway.
I tried to drill in her mind that the guy just wasn’t worth her time.
He hadn’t stopped once and looked back. No calls, no messages. Cold turkey, more like it.
Then how in the world did he deserve so much of her time? After months, why should she waste a single extra minute mourning his loss or pondering over what she did wrong?
I understand that she loved him. But loving yourself is important too.
But she never really got it and I finally let her be. What else was I supposed to do?
I’ve seen a few of these cases.
Heartache first hits you in middle school and since then, is a consistent companion.
With age, it gets harder to heal wounds as we unknowingly start seeking some kind of permanency. And when those dreams shatter, it hurts like a bitch.
I’m not diminishing anyone’s suffering or claiming that I know better.
Honestly, my history isn’t all that inspiring. But I always did manage to keep my chin up and move on, even though it was hard at times. I valued my time and energy more than throwing it away at a person who had ceased to be a part of my life and would never come back.
I believe that the extreme side effects of a break up can be very harmful.
Loss of interest, deteriorating confidence and rising panic are just some of the common patterns. Doubt and disappointment, loneliness and sorrow, restlessness and anxiety, inevitably creep in.
You just need to find a way to break through this clutter of negative feelings after a break up.
It sure is tough to eradicate an entire chapter of your life, no matter how long or short it is. You can’t just wake up one morning and pretend that none of it ever happened. A person, whom you shared your fears and hopes with, ate and slept with, laughed and cried with, can’t just fade into oblivion in a jiffy.
But we can make a conscious effort to recover and gain some clarity.
It’s easy to sink into a dark, bottomless hole where you feel a lot more than you think. Heck, you don’t even want to think. You just want to wallow in your misery.
But for how long?
Like I said, to each their own. Some couples end the relationship mutually, some are left jilted, some move away from each other, some fall out of love, some cheat and some grow apart.
The reason could be anything, leaving a different magnitude of impact on those involved. For some, the process of recovery is fairly fast. For some, it isn’t.
For those who choose to endure pain over a long phase, think about what you’re missing out on in the process. And yes, beyond a point, the course you take ahead is a choice you make.
You’ve already lost out on your other half. Now, you’re even losing out on what’s left of you.
I’ve heard a lot of people crib about how they once spent months stalking a former lover or grieving over them. Later, they mostly regret it. They sigh thinking about the precious moments lost and wish to take it back. But time doesn’t come back!
Why be blinded and not think for your own welfare? Why let your close ones suffer with you? Why discard new opportunities because you’re caught in a loop and don’t care anymore? Your career, family, friends and adventures are permanent parts of your existence.
What had to go is gone. But there’s so much more to come.
10 years down the line, these memories will be catching dust.
I’ve always been taught to be stronger than I think I can be; buck up and take the truth in my stride with courage and dignity. I never subject myself to torture. I refuse to be a slave to negativity. I take control. So what if another one bites the dust? Stop treating it like the end of the world. The idea is to carry on, and it really is possible.
Your heart might be broken but keep your spirit whole.
No matter how incessantly it rains, the sun will shine again. That’s how life works. That’s the beauty of nature.
A lot of us wonder if we’re going to be sad and lonely in our days ahead. No way, Jose! You’ll find yourself kicking ass before you know it.
You’ll be healed again, and you’ll be good again.
Maybe you didn’t get the closure you deserved. Maybe you were betrayed. Maybe you fucked up. Whatever be the reason, it’ll be okay.
Find better ways to distract yourself. Reach out to those whose company and advice can help. Go out, meet people and find new things to do. There’s so much to explore. The world is open to you.
Channelize your pent up emotions to create something great. It’s never too late to start afresh.
Remember, this too shall pass.