The whole world goes on and on about how 'size doesn't matter' when it comes to penises. But I'm sure I'm not alone in believing that it's all a bunch of bullsh*t meant to spare the feelings of those that are, let's just say, less fortunate.
Well, we've got the lowdown for you, people - if you've wondered like my humble self - where's the biggest d*ck of them all. *stares into space wistfully* Check it out.
It's true. India's pretty low on that scale, right next to China.
But at least we're doing better than poor ol' Thailand, huh? If there are any Thai guys reading this, umm.
The global average is 5.5 inches - the size of the display on an iPhone 6 Plus. And Canada and the U.S. are right there looming around the average.
The title of biggest penises in the world goes to the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Sudan, where the average is 7.1 inches.
And here's a couple of extra
South America is comfortably the most well-hung continent, with an average of 6.36 inches.
Only 3% of men worldwide are dealing with more than 8 inches and only 6% actually need extra large condoms.
But every penis is a beautiful thing and big or small, we're certainly thankful they exist, gentlemen. So here's hoping that this will plainly serve as your guide, ladies, when you venture out into the world to find them...
Let me leave you with this... celebration of... the male form. Je suis Nasty Girl.