As a newly single male in the hook-up generation, I am astounded by the pace at which the world around me has changed while I was away from the game. Both in terms of love and sex.
Come to think of it, two years is not that long an absence but I must say that I do feel the disconnect. I eagerly feel the need to catch up.
Long story short, I feel the FOMO! And that, precisely, is what is driving the concept of love and sex in our generation: The Fear Of Missing Out.
And if me saying this sounds slightly preachy, ace Bollywood director Karan Johar will tell you the same thing. Karan recently came clean about his thoughts on sex and love in an interview with NDTV and said that he's not looking for sex anymore.
I haven't had as much sex as I should have!
I don't get sex - and I'm no longer trying>
But which young, single person stops looking for sex? Especially when it's available as easy as torrent versions of unreleased movies these days. And why does a leading Bollywood filmmaker feel the lack of it? Worse still, sound devastated by the fact?
Now if you start analysing, people from showbiz have way better odds of getting laid than the rest of us. However stereotypical it may sound, in the dog-eat-dog world that is Bollywood, everybody's just fancying their chances and hence the higher probability of casual sex. And in the midst of all this, a popular movie director, with all the money, power and influence, claiming that he can't find sex or love and eventually giving up on it only shows a major shift in the way we understand the two basic human emotions: love and sex.
And it has a lot to do with our generation which just doesn't know when to stop looking for it.
In today's day and age, when people already have a million things to deal with, this generation is constantly under the pressure of those frequent sexcapades, the right swipes and those one night stands. And if you don't have 'em, you my friend have a lot of answering to do to society.
And the fact that a successful and self-made man like Karan Johar is feeling the burn reveals the sad expectations our generation has from sex.
Our generation has been raised to believe in the absolute idea of everything. Be it love or sex, it has to be perfect and in abundance. Our perception of both these emotions is so flawless that a minor change in the idea leads the world around us to collapse. This is the problem of our generation. Either we are running after the elusive which makes reality seem pretty bland or we are not sure what we are looking for.
Either ways, our idea of love and sex remains largely delusional.
We often forget that the Rajs and Noahs don't exist in the real world. In the world we live in, it's never going to start raining immediately after a first kiss. Sex will not be perfect either. Nor will life. Because the perfect world is not the real world.
There will be discomfort, there will be sadness and there will be loss. And that's what makes life so beautiful.
So when Karan Johar says:
Sex just went over my head.
A 12-year-old me thought that a blow job is when you take off all your clothes and lie on the bed with the fan on full.
There was a phase where I just wasn't feeling attractive enough.
Porn reminded me of my own shortcomings.
...It is completely normal!
It's only human for people to have doubts about sex, body image concerns and lack of action in bed.
You can be clumsy in bed and yet, enjoy it. You can be a failure at love and yet, find the one eventually. The point here is that in case you don't, it's not the end of the world.
And no, you're not missing out on anything in life because let's admit, there are a million other things waiting out there for you which deserve your attention. Not having a sex life or having too much of it won't affect the other aspects of your life and won't decide the kind of person you'll be remembered as. In all fairness, it's time our generation took account and managed their expectations about love and sex.
So the next time your relationship doesn't turn out to be as perfect as you'd imagined, your body doesn't match up to the model on that Calvin Klein poster or you can't find a single living soul to mate with, just remind yourself:
It's not about getting less or more. It's not about getting it right or wrong. It's not about getting it sooner or later. It's about figuring out what works the best for you. And that decision lies with you and you alone.
Read Karan's complete blog here.