With the resurgence of comic-book movies, the number of ‘nerds’ has grown exponentially. We all have our favourites – be it Iron Man or Captain America or Superman. However, Batman is one of the most popular the most popular superhero in the world. Despite Batman v Superman being kind of crap, Batfleck was still pretty cool. With a lot of love pouring in for the Caped Crusader from all directions, we decided to take a look at how great a superhero he truly is. Considering our cynicism, it wasn’t much of a surprise when we realised that Batman is actually a horrible superhero in general.
We decided to go through different instances in comics and movies to show how incompetent Batman really is. Here’s why Batman is a terrible superhero who is horrible at what he does:
1. Batman almost single-handedly got the other Justice League members killed.
Batman’s extra-ordinarily stupid data folder (which contained plans to kill other JLA members) was stolen by Ra’s al Ghul and it almost got everyone else killed.
Batman maintained a folder in which he had detailed plans of killing other members of the Justice League if they were to go rogue. The Dark Knight had mentioned ways to kill every other superhero because he thought that this was a necessary security measure. We believe that he’s right in preparing for something like this. But shouldn’t the ‘greatest detective in the world’ be careful enough to NOT put this extremely important information on a separate folder? Can’t he just remember all of this?
In the Tower of Babel storyline when Ra’s al Ghul got his hands on Batman’s files and used them to take down every member of the Justice League. What the heck, Batman! How stupid do you need to be to maintain a file of this? JUST REMEMBER ALL THIS, DUMBASS!
2. Batman doesn’t care about the privacy of Gotham’s citizens as long as they are ‘safe’.
In The Dark Knight, Batman uses the cellphones of the citizens of Gotham to spy on them. He uses security concerns as an excuse to do so.
Hello 1984! Batman suffers from a superiority complex that makes him believe that he is better than everyone else. In the Christopher Nolan movie, The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne decides to spy on all the citizens of Gotham by using their phones to spy on them. Because screw privacy concerns! Batman doesn’t even respect the people he is apparently saving.
Spying on your own citizens in the name of security is what the World has been fighting against. Just because he’s cool doesn’t make him an exception to this.
3. Instead of helping the underprivileged with his wealth, he uses it to fulfill his ‘vigilante fantasies’.
In a city plagued with illiteracy, horrible healthcare and poverty, Bruce Wayne decides to use his wealth to come up with better crime-fighting gadgets instead of actually helping those in need.
Batman runs Wayne Enterprises and the Wayne Foundation to try and show the world that he cares about the poor. Little do people know that his will to eradicate poverty is just like that of a contestant in a beauty pageant talking about world peace. Bruce Wayne could help clean up the streets of Gotham by investing in Wayne Enterprises and creating more jobs and income for the city, instead of solving everything with just his fist. These people need jobs and financial help. Not broken jaws because of some psychopath’s perverted ideas of justice.
In Batman Begins, The Wayne Foundation came up with a railway track that would help the lower middle class of Gotham go to work more conveniently. What happens during the climax of the movie? Batman blows up the railway line.
4. Batman never kills anyone because of his “no killing” policy except the time when he does.
In the movie Batman Begins, Batman decides to save the life of a criminal by killing the entire League of Shadows.
Batman has a strict “no killing” policy. He wouldn’t kill the bad guys under any circumstances. That’s cool, right? Wrong! He does kill a lot of people. In Batman Begins, he refuses to kill that one guy who was taken prisoner by the League of Shadows. In return, he destroys the entire base – effectively killing everyone inside it. At the end of the movie, he even leaves Ra’s al Ghul behind to die a slow painful death by fire.
I guess you’re killing someone if you decide not to help them survive. That makes Batman a criminal even though his holier than thou approach is super annoying.
5. “Having a plan” is not always a valid way out of the situation.
Batman will get his ass handed to him if he ever goes up against the likes of Wolverine or Superman in a fight purely based on merit.
“What will Batman do if he’s facing a villain who he can’t win against?” “Oh dude… fuck off please.. He’s Batman! He always has a plan broooo”. This is how any conversation with a Batman fan goes. In a world that isn’t fair, why are the Batman fans hell bent on giving the Caped Crusader an edge because he can plan well?
If Batman fans had their way, The Dark Knight would be able to avert climate change, nuclear war, Sajid Khan making a new movie and of course, Superman – all with a little bit of ‘prep time’.
6. With all the high-end technology at his disposal, Bruce Wayne doesn’t create a facility that is more secure than Arkham.
Considering that Arkham is extremely incompetent, why has Batman never come up with a facility to keep the villains in?
Arkham is to villains like a shirt is to Salman bhai. It exists for a bit but it’s ultimately useless. How many times have supervillains broken out of the notoriously bad Arkham prison? Maybe with all his knowledge and technological prowess, he should have built a high-security prison to keep the villains in check.
Oh, yeah! If he does that then he wouldn’t have an excuse to beat the living shit out of the underprivileged of Gotham. How will he sleep peacefully at night without taking someone else’s parents away from them?
7. Batman didn’t help Barbara Gordan recover from her paralysis because he wanted to punch things alone.
When Batman can recover from a broken spine twice, why didn’t he help out Barbara Gordon when Joker paralysed her?
Bane broke Batman’s spine twice but the Dark Knight recovered from it. He definitely has the know-how to help others with a spine problem. When Joker shoots Batgirl in her spine, Barbara is paralysed and limited to her wheelchair. Batman could have very easily helped her out because he himself had done it twice. Did he though? Nope. Because punching things is fun and he wants all of this fun for himself.
8. Every time Batman gets a side-kick, he is putting the life of a child at risk and sometimes he even gets them killed.
Batman has always had a young side-kick he could totally depend on but he almost always gets them killed. Shouldn’t he be more responsible when it comes to youngsters?
The frequency with which he goes through young sidekicks is fairly alarming. Warping damaged orphaned minds to do the bidding of his messed up justice code is helping no one but Batman. The worst thing though? On three occasions he has gotten Robin killed in Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd and even his own quasi-son Damien Wayne. That is over half of the Robins!
With that death-rate, you’d imagine that Batman would have stopped recruiting young side-kicks by now. NO! Every time a new orphan kid is persistent about joining his team, he will ultimately budge and let them have their share of bullets in the crime-ridden streets of Gotham. What kind of an ego-maniac does this?
Even Iron Man in the recent Captain America: Civil War movie realises that Spider-Man is too young to be in the fight against Team Captain America. An egotistical guy like Tony Stark sees the logic behind this but we guess Bruce Wayne’s psychotic nature comes in the way of him making a rational judgement about this.
