1. Bullies like to hurt other people.

Oh, thanks the heavens for this study because I was on my way to ask a bully to help me out.

2. There can be no Spider-Man.

Damn it! Who’s gonna save the world now?

3. Websites on the Dark Web are used for criminal activities.

I’ll have to find some place else to order groceries from.

4. A healthy diet gives you a longer life.

Oh, that’s good. I’ve been munching on this raw kale for pleasure.

5. Swallowing a sword gives you throat problems.

Oh no, do I have to return my swords now?

6. People dress up in more layers of clothing when it’s cold.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, BRO?

7. People who think they have foot odour, do, and people who don’t think so, don’t.

I wasn’t aware that our noses can smell odours on our own body too. This definitely helps me.

8. Exercising regularly helps your muscles to work better.

I thought lying in bed all day is the key to a healthy body.

9. Wearing high heels can make your feet hurt.

If only my feet could tell me the same.

10. Employees hate meetings.

Is this why my team is never to be found when I send a mail asking for a meeting?

11. Quitting smoking after a heart attack reduces chest pain and improves quality of life.

No shit, Sherlock.

12. Sitting around and relaxing can make you gain weight.

Why didn’t anyone tell me? 

13. The Mexican drug war increased homicide rates.

I thought drug cartels were a safe space.